Quality Content Writers Group

Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
That is good advise, however I would suggest constructive comments be added. You don't blame the lettuce no, but you do have to correct the situation that's keeping it from growing. Sometimes it's the same with people.

I'm in BNI. One of the rules is you can only have one person representing each industry. since that limits the number of people you can have, when you have someone who's not pulling their weight in the group you have to correct it for the good of the group. Our approach is "How can we help you to bring in more referrals, have less absences?" etc. This opens the door to correcting the situation.

Sometimes you have to be more direct. Say you have a co-worker who is abrupt in their manner. Sometimes just tactfully saying "well I understand that you are a very direct person but maybe you should try asking if Susie has thought of trying this way instead of just bluntly telling her. I understand you don't mean anything by it but perhaps to Susie it appears rather harsh."

You are not condemning them but pointing out another way of doing something.
Dec 14th 2007 15:36

Investing One Gram at a Time
You do have an incredible way of looking and understanding things..........pretty much the point poor old lettuce not his or her fault...............great insight you have and if may say one other thing very dedicated...........impressed.........
Dec 14th 2007 17:12

Just plain honesty
Is this another branch of political correctness? Or has April 1st come late this year?

What is happening in the world when telling the truth to someone about their inability to properly perform requires that you then tell them four times how well they do it?

I'm very sorry but it is just this sort of lunatic logic that has led to the current plague of individuals who cannot, ever, accept that they are at fault. Where on earth did this assinine rule(?) come from?

Why can't people be disciplined and advised as they require without pandering to some nit-wit's distorted sense of fair play?

Are the people of today such sorry and sad versions that they really need to be emotionally supported because "the nasty man said I did it wrong".

Has another new rule been introduced that I am also not aware of - the rule that says it is not necessary to grow up because Nanny will always be there to tell you what a big strong boy you are going to be?

I think Cheryl made a very good choice of example with lettuces.

Are we people or are we vegetables?
Dec 15th 2007 11:37

Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
Arthur I think this is more a case of the old adage, "A spoonful of sugar make the medicine easier to swallow" I do believe that there needs to be correction, but tact can go a long way toward making the correction palatable. Otherwise that person will dig in his heels and deny, debate and argue you with you defending his or her faults.

Or in the words of my wise old grandmother, "there's always a way to tell someone to go to H*ll and make them look forward to the trip."
Dec 15th 2007 11:44

Investing One Gram at a Time
Arthur,

Very well said, liked it so much l had to read it several more times............where did that rule come fom not very sure but in my view it makes wise sense to me. At times we as humans have a tendency to act like vegetables.............l was going to use cabbage but they already had the cabbage patch doll...........thank for you thoughts l feel you have some very vital points as did Cheryl............What makes this topic open, l like the feed back whether it's positive or negative if your going to write something the least you can do is repy to the comments you get.................for that l am gratefull that you had logical state of mind in your ccmment............l also though it was well written what you said and had self direction where you where going with your reply........again well said..............Arthur l liked your views.....
Dec 15th 2007 11:58

Just plain honesty
Hi, Cheryl,

I don't understand what you mean by 'making a correction palatable'.

In another blog I asked a very serious question that no-one has tried to answer. How many children are dead today because their parents did not vigourously chastise them the first time they ran into a road without looking?

There is no palatable way to tell someone they got it wrong. Sugar on a pill is designed to make it easier for the 'regurgitate' reflex to be subdued - the side effect is that the pill might appear to taste better but the processes to which it is subjected by the body are exactly the same.

That is not how criticism works.

If you sugar coat a criticism, it is the sugar coat that will be remembered because the criticism will have been automatic and based upon real emotions while the sugar coating will have been contrived.

Try this one for size.

"Charley, that was not the proper knot to tie in that rope because you could have killed the person climbing up it. However, I must say that I really liked your choice of rope and the anchor point was well considered."

Be honest - would you want Charley to tie the next knot your life might depend on?
Dec 15th 2007 13:31

Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
Arthur, If Charley gets defensive because he is offended by your correction, he is going to dismiss it automatically and without thought. Which will lead to someone's life being lost due to Charley's stubborn need to be correct and his offense at you "thinking" you can correct him. I'm assuming both the corrector and the correctee are adults.

While we would like to think most adults are correctable, most adults resent being treated like a child, a straight blunt correction would appear to be being treated as stupid or childish by another adult. Tact, will get your point across without offending the other party, treating them like a child or labeling them as stupid.

It is not what you say, but how you say it that matters. That's not political correctness but being civil and using a little courtesy.
Dec 15th 2007 13:40

Just plain honesty
Hi, Joseph,

I am an old guy who has seen too many deaths caused by stupidity and the over-whelming powers of stupid rules.

It really does beggar belief that a grown up person would not be capable of accepting criticism in the way it was intended. Criticism is deliberately censorious and belittling. It deliberately forces the subject to learn quickly in order not to have to suffer a repeat dose.

Who are these people who, in their infinite stupidity, have decided that we are all fragile porcelain creatures that will shatter at the movement of air caused by someone's bad breath?

All around me I see self improvement books designed to help me become a better person and be 'happier with the new self I can create'. What absolute and utter rubbish!

We are all the sum total of our experiences to date. It is how we use those experiences and the lessons they impart that will govern 'who' we are. We can struggle to change all we want but it is very true to say that what has taken a life-time to learn is not going to go away just because you read a book by somebody who
a) does not know you
b) does not know your parents
c) does not have an inkling about your life experience to date
d) only knows the pointed end of a pencil because he once poked it into his eye
e) bought some flakey degree or certificate to bamboozle you with
f) is so good at what he does that he has to sell books to make a living
g) is so dangerous to the general population he should not be allowed out unsupervised.

I am who I am. I have had three wives who were happy with who I was and the loss of those three wives (I wish THAT could have been sugar coated!!!) has made me the man my fourth wife loves.

I am very proud of my parents and I would feel something of a coward and turncoat if I could be pursuaded by some idiot that they did not do a good job bringing me into adulthood.

If you have to tell somebody off - for their sake, if not your own, do it properly. Don't short change them by only giving a watered down version of the truth.

Doesn't everybody deserve your very best efforts - not your trepidatious forray into the shadow world of duplicity and condescension?
Dec 15th 2007 13:53

Just plain honesty
Hi, Cheryl,

If Charley was such a weak individual, I wouldn't want him anywhere near anything that required an iota of thought from the preformer.

Only in recent years has this industry grown in which people are seen as weak and empty vessels that will bear no burden.

All through our lives we learn in only two ways - BY DOING AND BY BEING CORRECTED AFTER DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

Why has this suddenly become so difficult?

When did this loss of ego and spiritual strength occur?
When did it happen that people would be injured by a healing word?
Dec 15th 2007 14:01

Jenny Stewart

First of all Joseph, your comment " Blaming has no positive effective at all" is brilliant.

Whatever happens, someone always has the blame - but knowing who is to blame doesnt solve anything at all! The solution to the problem is the important issue- and the person who takes on that responsibility is the one who is due some respect - even when they "are to blame" for the orginal problem.

Arthur - I hear what you say - but agree with Cheryl - in non-life or death situations - there is nothing wrong with phrasing something tactfully and offering a solution.

As we are talking about adults - I dont think your example of parents teaching their children about road safety is so relevant here . I certainly wouldn't worry about making a comment tactful or palatable when personal safety is the first priorty!

So in non crityical situations - what about:-

"Fred - you have made a mess of this job and now everyone will have to work late - it's your fault"

OR

"Fred, I'm afraid you have made a couple of howlers on this job and we are all going to have to stay on late to finish it. - but if you do it this way (solution offered) in future, it will work out ok and you will have solved the problem"

It is not pussy footing round the situation - you are not absolving Fred of the responsibility for his mistake,but you are at the saame time offering a solution - and THAT is a little more palatable and practical and it not changing the truth.

I think the answer is to constructively criticise THE ACTION and NOT THE PERSON - and to provide a solution OF COURSE.

.
Dec 15th 2007 14:04

Just plain honesty
Hi, Jenny,

Silly me.

Fancy me not realising it is the action that is at fault and not the person!

A solution isn't necessary - it is because the solution was not used that the criticism was necessary in the first place.

I can think of nothing more designed to humiliate someone who has made a mistake than to take away from him his own chance to rectify it - instead you are suggesting - not only that he did it wrong but that he doesn't even know how to do it right!

Applause for cutting the man and rubbing salt in the wound. (LOL)
Dec 15th 2007 14:10

Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
What I am talking about is common courtesy, politeness and good manners which have been around forever, that is nothing new. You treat a child like a child, you treat an adult like an adult. You do not "correct" an adult in the same manner that you would correct a child. What comes across is not correction for the good of that other adult but a holier than thou, cruel, I'm better than you attitude. That may not be the intention of the one doing the correction but that will be what the other adult "hears" when you speak.

The next person can come along using tact and say the exact same thing to that adult and they will get it because of the way in which it was said.
Dec 15th 2007 14:17

Jenny Stewart

Well said Cheryl - It aint what you say but the way that you say it! Good old tract and dimplomacy. You're still saying the same thing. But i couldn't agree more with Cheryl's comment

"What comes across is not correction for the good of that other adult but a holier than thou, cruel, I'm better than you attitude."

and that is guaranteed to get most people's backs up!

I am not sure Arthur - sometimes it is ok to suggest a solution - maybe there are cases where it is not - it is a question of using your judgement. But I'l slap your wrist anyway - just for the heck of it! LOL
Dec 15th 2007 14:36

Investing One Gram at a Time
Some real good thoughts happening on here, it all depends on many situation how we handle them................Arthur l can appreciate all they you have witness, sometimes them memories will never ever leave are minds..........so yes we can become intrapped by what we have lived, seen and been part of..........life was never meant to be easy, situation happen everyday how we handle them will have a direct effect on that person for perhaps the rest of thir lifes.............

We all have some good points here, but when we apply positive feed back to someone he or she may have a different persepective or out look on the current situation.....It would have to depend on that moment......every situation is different in it's own way............

Well l am glad with all of the good feed back..............so in the end how can you blame the lettuce for not growing..........who faults is it...............think about it..............it could be a number of different reasons why it didn't grow.......
Dec 15th 2007 14:58

Just plain honesty
Oops, Charly! What have you done? That isn't quite how we like to see things done but you made a good effort.

Do you remember, last time, how I explained, when you nearly fell off the ladder that there are certain safety measures that we should always employ? I told you that it was only your keenness that caused you to be careless - and it has happened again, hasn't it?

OK. So here is what we will do. I'll run you to the hospital so that they can see if they can save your arm and I'll contact the police and let them know that Fred is dead because you hadn't checked your tools and the head of your axe has embedded itself in his skull.

I'm sure you will make a good carpenter, one day, but will you please try to pay just a little more attention to safety matters?
Dec 15th 2007 15:05

Investing One Gram at a Time
Arthur

With all due repect l am having a real hard time seening Cheryl with a box of tools, l am sure she would make a good carpenter one day.............but seening her using a hammer, saw and other tools...........just makes me laught nothing against you not being able to use them tools Cheryl.........actually this topic is now going in all directions it's a good thing.........Cheryle one last question if you where a carpenter what would you charge me for work to be done around the house, since l never get around to doing it...would make my wife happy.......................:)
Dec 15th 2007 15:13

Just plain honesty
Sorry, Joseph,

That was just a little whimsy on my behalf.

Charly was the guy who didn't tie the rope properly so he is also used as the guy who was not properly criticised for his lack of attention to safety measures which, of course, made him even less attentive since there was little in the rebuke to tell him how serious his lapse could have been.

You see, it isn't about hurting Charly's feelings - it is about teaching Charly properly by real, earnest and valuable criticism.
Dec 15th 2007 16:07

Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
But real earnest valuable criticism is not defined by the method of delivery(Being blunt or sugar coating) but by the message being understood and making a difference.

Lets say you go up to Charley and say bluntly say "charley you don't tie your knots right, you're going to cause an accident""
What charly hears is that you think he is incompetent and or stupid And Charley's reaction is going to be mind your own business.

However someone else goes up an says "Hey Charley let me show another knot you can use on that rope. I tie my knots like this all the time and they've never slipped yet."
In this case you haven't come out and said Charley you're wrong. Instead you are showing charley the correct way of doing things and managed to tell him this is the right knot to use without being blunt or abrasive.

Dec 15th 2007 17:49

Not Here

just want my account deleted
Hmmm...I got here a little late, lots of good points made so far. Cheryl, what if Charley really is incompetent and stupid? If he was he'd most likely be offended no matter how you told him.

And what about adults? Can an adult reconize the truth no matter how it is told or percieved to be told?

Make mistakes, LEARN, Laugh...tell me bluntly, were all human and I don't give a rip, I'll just laugh and learn from MY WRONG Doings.
Dec 15th 2007 21:51