You know we have conquered diseases when the CDC starts giving Zombie outbreak preparedness tips!

by Cheryl Baumgartner Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance If you are not quite up to date on your Zombie outbreak preparations not to worry, the CDC has you covered.



As I logged onto the online news site for San Antonio tonight to check the weather I saw this article.  It would appear that disease has been conquered by the CDC and since the had nothing better to do, they have decided to to help us all get ready for the Zombie outbreak.  I'm not sure what tips the CDC has but they must be good since the traffic to the site is so heavy you can't get on it.  So rather than wait for the CDC I thought I'd share

Cheryl's Zombie preparedness tips:

1. Designate your sacrifice.  Yes we all know zombies are slow but they tend to travel in large groups, like locusts.  Find the weakest, slowest and dumbest person in your group.  When the zombies attack, and you are all running away, this person will be automatically disposed to standing staring and saying "huh?"  This means that the Zombies will catch them allowing extra time for the rest of you to escape.

2. Avoid all malls.  Zombies like the living just can't resist the food court.  The only difference between them and us is the choice of menu.

3. Proper footwear is essential.  Make sure you have a good pair of running shoes.  If you must wear 4 inch spiked Jimmy Choo's, remember they are not fancy footwear but emergency defensive weapons(Only effective at close range for poking out zombie eyeballs.

4. Loot the first sporting goods store you come across.  I guarantee you will find a gun or two along with some ammunition in the hunting section.

5. Aim for the head.  Shooting a zombie anywhere except between the eyes just pisses them off.

6. When your best friend gets bitten shoot them immediately.  I don't care how much first aid you give, you homey is now a zombie-in-waiting, just get it over with while they are still human enough to appreciate the gesture.

7. Stock up on necessary food stuffs.  For some reason canned soda and potato chips seem to be in great supply during Zombie attacks.

8. Find a strong easily defensible position and barricade yourself in.  If a member of your little group of survivors wants to 'take a look outside to check things out', refer to tip #1.  They have just 'volunteered".

9 In the unbelievable event of these tips not working, the final tip-Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye!

Visit the CDC blog here

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Created on Dec 31st 1969 18:00. Viewed 0 times.

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