Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi

patni-mai driver k naukri se nikal rhi hu kyuki mai aj dusari bar marte marte bachi hu...

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pati-plz darling,use ek mauka aur deno na.....plzzz

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patni- janu bag pack kr lo maine lotry mai 10 crore jita hai

pati -darling bag mai winter ka kapde dalu ya summer k?

patni- jo bhi dalna hai dalo,aur dafa ho jao yaha se

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Poem of wife- husband hamara aisa ho,

Wallet me jiske bahut paisa ho,

Lambi jiski height ho,

Gusse ka wo lite ho,

jab sas se meri fight ho to

kahe janu tum hi right ho............very very funny husband wife sms

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patni-tmhe nhi lagta jara si samjhdari se talak k mamle roke ja sakte hai

pati- tmhe nhi lagta jara se samjhdari se shaddi bhi roki ja sakti hai.

 

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Know your woman’s type : –

 

1. Windows Woman - kisi kaam k nhi hoti pr ishk bina gujara bhi nhi hota..

 

2. Hard-Disk Woman - yeh sab kuch hmesa yaad rakhti hai..

 

3. RAM Woman –muhh ferte hai apk bare mai sab kuch bhul jati hai..

 

5. INTERNET Woman – Difficult to access

 

6. E-mail Woman – ishki kahi 10 baato mai 8 baaten bina matlab k hote hai

 

7. Virus Woman – ishko "wife" bhi kehte hai,ishki bare mai jab tak ap jante hai,tab tak yeh apk system ka band baja chuki hoti hai..

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ek ghar mai pati patni k hasne ki bahut jyada awaz aa rahi thi

sare padosi unki khushhali ka raj janne k liye unk ghar gye.

pati ne padosiyo ko btaya ki bahut assan hai...

hmare yaha meri bivi mujhe belan,chimta phek kr marti hai,

agar mujhe lag jata hai to woh hasti hai nhi to mai hasta hu..

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pati-raja dashrath ki 3 patni thi..

patni-to?

pati-to mai abhi 2 shaddi aur k sakta hu..

patni-soch lo....!!!!draupati k 5 pati the....

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1st frnd-mai agle month 3 shaddi kar rahi hu?

2nd frnd-kyu??tmhare 2 patyo ka kya hua??

1st frnd-pehla bhagwan ko pyara ho gaya,aur dusara padosan ko pyara ho gaya...

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pati-mai apni biwi ko B.A phir M.A phir Ph.d karwaunga...

ushko ek achi se job dilwaunga..

 

frnd-phir koi acha sa ladka dhundh kr ushki shaadi bhi krwa dena..

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pati prawachan sun k aya aur patni ko godd mai utha liya

patni-guruji ne kya rommance krne ko kaha hai kya?

pati-nhi pagli unhone kaha hai apka dukh khud uthana chahiye.

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do mahila ki swarg mai mulakat hue..

1st-tmhari maut kaise hue?

2nd-jyada thand lagne k karan, aur tmhari?

1st-High BP k karan,mujhe pata chal ki mera pati kisi dusari aurat k sath hai..

mai gaye aur ushko sab jagah dunda pr woh nhi mili

 

2nd-agr freez mai dhunda hota to ,hm dono jinda hoti...

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pati- maine aj ek sapna dekha?

patni-kya?

pati-ki tm kise se pyar kr rahi ho.

patni-kya tmne use pehchana?

pati-nhi pehchan paya,kyuki mai raat mai bina chasma k hi so gaya tha.

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shadi ki mauk pr dulha dulhan ki mang sindur bharne laga to

ek bola -yaar, ye rashm agar ulati ho jani chahiye ,yani dunhan dulhe ki mang mai sindur bhare.

dusara bola-agar aisa hua to duniya k sare takle kuware hi reh jayenge

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pati-kyu na aj ki chaye bahar pi jaye?

patni-kyo?tmhe kya lagta hai mai chaye banate -2 thak gye hu?

pati- nahi ,pr mai plate aur cup dhote dhote tang aa gaya hu..

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Hazaro aarzu aisi ke har aarzu pe dum nikle,

Koi meri biwi se kahe ke shopping pe kam nikle.

 

Husbend-talak lena hai,

Advocate- talak lane ke lie 50000 rs lagenge,

Husband- pagal ho kya, pandit ne to 501 rs,

me shadi karayi thi,

Advocate-dekh liya na saste ka natija.

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Chae ki patti (tea)

aur pati (husband)

me kya similarity hai?

.

Dono k naseeb me jalna aur ubalna

likha ha & woh b

aurat k hathon.

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Pati agar maine tumse zindagi me

kabhi jhooth bola ho 2 mai abhi mar jau.

Patni: mne bhi kbhi aap se jhth bla ho

2 mi abhi vidhva ho jau.

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Wife to her husband: I love you!

I can't live without you!

Mar Jaungi!

Mit Jaungi!

Jehar Pee Luongi!

Tere Pyaar Mein Fanna Ho Jaungi!

Husband: Dekh Le Jaise Tujhe Theek Lage!

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Pati: aji suna? Videshon me talaak lena bahut hi aasan hai.

Patni : pata hai tabhi to vaha ladakiyan shadi ke samay roti nahi hain.

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Patni – “Chalo ek khel khelte hain ..

mai chhupti hoon aur tum mujhe dhoondhna ..

.

.

Agar tumne dhoondh liya to mai tumhaare saath

shopping karne chaloongi .. !”

Pati – Aur agar nahi dhoondh paya toh ?

Patni – “aisa mat kaho Jaanu.. mai bas darwaje ke

peechhe hee chhupoongi.. !!!

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Jitne Channel TV Ke,

Utne Nakhre BIWI Ke,

.

.

.

.

TV Chalta REMOTE Se Aur

BIWI Chalti note ( money) Se.

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Wife: Jab desi pite ho toh Paro kehte ho.

Jab whisky pite ho to Darling.

Aaj kya piya jo chudail kehte ho?

Husbund: Aaj main hosh me hu!

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Always love your wife

No life without wife,

Wife ke prati wafadar aur

Imandar raho,

Dil bada rakho,

Ye mat socho…

“How is your wife?”

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patni(kitchen se)-aj mai bahut khubsurat lag rahi hu??

pati-tmhe kaise pata??

patni-aj mujhe dekh kr roti bhi jal rahi hai

 

Patni: Aap bahut mòte hò gaye hò

Pati: tum bhi tò mòti hò gai hò

patni: mai tò maa banne wali hòòn

Pati: Mai bhi tò baap banne wala hòòn

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which 1 is best wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,

Wife is duty,

Saali is passiòn,

Wife is tensiòn,

Saali is patakha,

Wife is sayapa,

Sali is còòl,

Wife is fòòl,

Saali is tuty-fruity,

Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,

Wife is earth quake…

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Patni: Meri sharafat dekhó.......

Maine tumhe dekhe bagair shaadi karli…

Pati: Aur meri sharafat dekhó.....

Maine dekh kar bhi inkaar nahi kiya..

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Biwi ko apni PALKO par baithalo,

De kar KHUSHI uske sare GUM churalo...

PYAR aise karo k sub DEKHTE reh jaye,

PADOSAN Bhi aa kar kahe “Mujhe APNI BIWI banalo”

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Hawaldaar - Inspector sahab ....me ghar ke bahar khara hu..

Yaha 1 wife ne apne husband ko goli maar di hai

Inspector- Pura waardat batoo...

Hawaldaar- Sir...aaj eski kaamwali nahi aye the...

wife ne khud se poochha lagya tha

aur

husbnad ne gile farsh pe per chhap diye...

gusse me wife ne husbnad ko goli maar di

ab mere liye kaya hukum hai??

Inspector- Bahar khara kaya kar raha ha bawkuf...

ander jaa ke wife ko Giraftaar kaar lo

Hawaldaar - par sir, farsh abhi bhi gila hai.........

 

Source : Jokes in Hindi