How Does Childhood Trauma Affect Mental Health?

What Is Childhood Trauma?

Trauma isn't always a single catastrophic event. It's often being in an environment of chronic emotional strain: emotional neglect, being shamed, not feeling seen or accepted, or expected to perform. It's like a hidden bruise inside your body that still hurts. Even if you try to forget it, your brain and body remember it.

Dr. Gabor Maté explains trauma as - “big T” trauma (severe experiences of abuse and violence) and “small t” trauma (the subtle, chronic wounds of emotional disconnection, invalidation, or the absence of safety and attunement). He elaborates:

“The trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”

Trauma doesn’t always shout. Sometimes, it whispers: Be good. Be quiet. Don’t upset anyone.

It can look like:

• A parent who gave you everything,except emotional safety.
• A home where only academic achievements were praised.
• A childhood where your tears made you "dramatic," your anger "disrespectful."

Childhood trauma isn’t just what happened. It’s what your nervous system learned from it. Like unwanted software running silently in the background, shaping your beliefs:

Love must be earned. My needs are too much. I’m only valuable when I perform.

However, these beliefs don’t just fade away with time. They follow you into your adulthood affecting relationships, your health and quality of life. What once helped you survive now hinders your growth.

However, none of this is your fault.

Healing means slowly learning that you’re safe now,  and you don’t have to keep living by those old survival rules.  It means understanding how your nervous system shaped itself in response to what it lacked and how it continues to protect you, even when the threat is long gone.

The Brain and Trauma: A Lasting Imprint

Trauma you experienced in your childhood has a massive impact on your brain as it rewires your neural networks. Our brain's fear centre, Amygdala, becomes hyperactive and reacts disproportionately to perceived dangers (Jin et al., 2024). Additionally, neural connections vital for emotion regulation get weakened. This can show up as panic, anxiety, hypervigilance, feeling numb or disconnection in your adult life. 

Moreover, your body's stress-response system, HPA-axis, also gets dysregulated. Think of it like your body's stress response gets "stuck in ON mode.", flooding your body with cortisol, leading to inflammation (Lin et al., 2015). Studies have shown that this can show up as fatigue, Chronic headaches, gut problems (IBS, acidity), thyroid dysfunction, PCOS, or autoimmune issues (Lüönd et al., 2025).

Trauma has a lasting impact on your mental health as well. A study done in Delhi–NCR surveyed around 1,800 young adults and discovered that each additional adverse childhood experience (like bullying or emotional abuse) significantly increased the odds of moderate-to-severe depression, anxiety, and stress. 

Such changes not only impact your health, but also impacts your quality of life, and how you show up in the world.

Signs You Might Still Be Carrying It

Trauma often doesn’t scream, it whispers and it can be difficult to identify when it’s showing up in your life. Here’s how unresolved childhood trauma may show up in adulthood:

1. Feeling too much,or nothing at all.
2. Unable to relax without guilt.
3. Hyper-independence but secretly exhausted.
4. People-pleasing until you burnout.
5. Overthinking everything you say or do.
6. Fear of being a burden.
7. Experiencing physical symptoms doctors can't explain.
8. Pushing love away, then wonder why you’re alone.
9. Crying over small things,or never cry at all.
10. Feeling like a child pretending to be an adult.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Some of you might be wondering “But I Had a Good Childhood”.

I hear you. However, trauma isn’t always loud or violent. It’s often what wasn’t there when you needed it the most. In many Indian households, trauma shows up in hushed whispers of “what will people say”, or duty based roles silencing you “dad is busy at work”. It is wrapped in duty, discipline, and silence.

You might have heard:

• "Don’t cry, be strong." → Shaming emotions → suppressing inner truth
• "We did everything for you, how can you feel this way?" → chronic guilt
• Overachieving → self-worth is conditional
• “Sacrifice” valued over health → chronic guilt

As Dr. Gabor Maté says, "Trauma is not what happens to you. It’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you."

You can love your parents deeply and still carry emotional wounds from unmet needs. Both gratitude and grief can exist in the same breath.

Everyday Moments That Might Be Trauma in Disguise

• Feeling anxious at family gatherings,not because of the crowd, but because of the questions.
• Panicking when your partner is upset,convinced they'll leave you.
• Feeling guilty and worthless when you take a break.
• Shutting down, going number or lashing out during a conflict.
• Clinging onto external validation and approval like your life depended on it and then feeling shame afterwards.

These aren’t flaws. They’re survival responses that once kept you safe.

 

A Moment in the Therapy Room: Guilt, Seen Gently

Ravi, 35, sat on the couch with clenched fists. He couldn’t stop apologizing,for taking time, for crying, for “being dramatic.”

“I don’t know why I feel guilty all the time,” he said. “Even when I rest. Even when I speak.”

His therapist asked gently, “When did you first learn that taking up space was wrong?”

Silence. Then a whisper: “Maybe... when I got yelled at for crying too loud. I was 7.”

That moment cracked something open,not just pain, but tenderness. Ravi wasn’t “too much.” He was a child who needed holding. And therapy became that holding space.

Guilt doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. It often means you were trained to feel wrong just for being you.

What Actually Helps?

Healing doesn’t start with "fixing yourself." It starts with understanding yourself.

Here are a few gentle starting points:

1. Name Your Triggers
Start tracking moments when your reaction feels bigger than the situation. Did your chest tighten? Did you freeze? These are clues.

2. Reparent Your Inner Child
Begin offering the compassion you never received. Try this: "You don’t have to earn rest. You’re allowed to feel."

3. Create Safety Anchors
A soft object. A mantra. Your breath. Use it when emotions rise. You’re teaching your body: This moment is safe.

At first, it may feel awkward. That’s normal. Healing is a practice, not a performance.

Therapies That Help Heal Childhood Trauma

Indian researcher Riri G. Trivedi (Ahmedabad) emphasizes how childhood trauma often leads to emotional health issues in adulthood. She stresses the importance of early, inner-child-focused healing approaches,ones that don’t just treat symptoms, but gently tend to the root of the wound.

While surface-level coping tools have value, sustainable transformation often requires deeper exploration. Depth-oriented trauma therapies work with the body, emotions, and brain in a holistic, integrated way to restore a sense of inner safety. Some of the most effective approaches include:

1. Trauma-Informed Psychodynamic Therapy This approach gently uncovers the unconscious patterns that you learned in your childhood,often unconsciously. It's not about placing the blame on your upbringing or parents. It's about realising what your body and mind have learnt to survive and gradually realising that you don't have to continue in those outdated habits indefinitely.

2. Internal Family Systems (IFS): IFS helps you integrate different parts of yourself,like the "good child" who always says yes, or the angry part whose boundaries have been violated repeatedly. You learn to listen, and understand these parts and the role they play in keeping you safe.

3. Somatic Experiencing: Since trauma lives in the body, SE helps release trauma without needing to relive the story. It’s about safety in the body, not just clarity in the mind.

4. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): This modality is especially useful for those stuck in self-blame and guilt by helping you build a kinder inner voice. It reminds you that growth doesn’t come from punishment,it comes from kindness, safety, and self-acceptance.

What Therapy Can Feel Like

Imagine sitting in a comfortable quiet room and your therapist gently inquires: "When was the last time you said “no” without feeling guilt or shame?"

You pause. You feel a lump in your throat and tears start rolling down your face.

The therapist doesn’t try to fix you or make you feel weak or ashamed. They sit with you and your emotions, not afraid of your pain.

You feel seen, validated and acknowledged.

It’s not about having dramatic breakthroughs or changes overnight.

It’s about feeling safe enough to be seen and be authentic to your truth,without judgment.

At Coach For Mind, we hold this space for you. Compassionate, Non judgmental and safe.

If You’re Wondering About Therapy...

You don’t have to be "ready." You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to begin.

And we’ll walk with you from there.

 

FAQs About Childhood Trauma and Healing

1. What does childhood trauma feel like in adults?
Childhood trauma hides in patterns, not just memories. It can show up as:

• Functioning, on the outside but feeling exhausted or disengaged, on the inside
• Feeling abandoned when your partner withdraws.
• Inability to trust your partner.
• Overworking to feel worthy, and feeling like a fraud.
• Feeling guilty for resting or simply existing.

• Apologizing for existing.
• Feeling responsible for everyone’s feelings.
• Inability to relax without guilt.
• Avoiding conflict at all costs.
• Overachieving but never feeling enough.
• Staying in unsafe relationships.
• Numbing your emotions with food, work,or shopping.
• Having difficulty saying "no," even when it hurts you.
• Reacting strongly to small triggers, without knowing why.
• Feeling like you’re always bracing for something to go wrong.
• Shrinking your needs so others feel comfortable

• Harsh disapproving inner critic.
• Hypervigilance and anxiety.
• Lying awake after a conflict, replaying every word, even if nothing “big” happened.
• Freezing when someone asks you what you want. 

These are not personality flaws. They are your nervous system doing its best to protect you from old wounds.

2. Can childhood trauma affect physical health?
Trauma you experienced in your childhood has a massive impact on your brain as it rewires your neural networks. Your body's stress-response system, HPA-axis, also gets dysregulated. Think of it like your body's stress response gets "stuck in ON mode.", flooding your body with cortisol, leading to inflammation (Lin et al., 2015). Studies have shown that this can show up as fatigue, Chronic headaches, gut problems (IBS, acidity), thyroid dysfunction, PCOS, or autoimmune issues (Lüönd et al., 2025).

3. What if I can’t remember the trauma clearly?
You don’t need a clear memory to begin healing. Trauma often hides in patterns, sensations, and emotional reactions, not just memories.

You might not remember what was said, but your body remembers how it felt:

That freezing sensation when someone raises their voice, overwhelming panic when someone withdraws love, urge to please, even when you’re exhausted

Trauma-informed therapy focuses on what’s showing up now, not forcing you to relive or remember everything from your past. Therapy helps you connect the dots gently, without forcing memory.

4. Do I have to talk about everything in therapy?
No, you don’t have to tell your whole story to begin healing.

Sometimes, the most powerful sessions begin with silence, body awareness, or simply naming how hard it is to be here.

Trauma-informed therapy honors readiness over speed. In the therapy session we follow  your lead, no pressure, no “shoulds and shouldn'ts.” Just your journey, at your pace and you choose. 

5. Is therapy the only way to heal?
No, but it’s often the safest, most structured path, especially when the pain runs deep. There are many healing tools outside of therapy:

• Books can provide you with insights and tools.
• Support groups can provide you with a community that reminds you you’re not alone.
• Journaling can help you process overwhelming thoughts.
• Somatic practices like yoga, breathwork, or movement can help soothe your nervous system.

These are all valuable and powerful on their own. But they often don’t touch the root of your problem or change the inner wiring shaped by years of unmet needs or emotional neglect. 

Moreover, without the guidance of a trauma-informed therapist, it's easy to fall into a common trap of trying to "fix" yourself through more self-imposed rules,more "shoulds," more perfectionism, more internal pressure. This might compound the shame or guilt you’re already carrying.

Therapy offers what those tools can’t: relational healing. When you sit with a therapist who truly sees and accepts you, it begins to rewrite the parts of you that never felt seen or accepted.

6. How do I know if my therapist is trauma-informed?
A trauma-informed therapist will never rush or push you.

They will:

• Prioritize your emotional safety over “getting somewhere fast”
• Help you feel seen, not pathologized
• Respect your boundaries and always ask for consent
• Offer grounding tools for when emotions feel overwhelming
• Use language that helps you reconnect with agency, not shame

At Coach For Mind, all our therapists are trained in trauma-sensitive approaches, with specialties in modalities like EMDR, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, and more.

7. Can online therapy really help with trauma?
Yes,  and for many, it’s even more effective than in-person therapy.

Being in your own space often makes it easier to:

• Open up without fear of being “watched” or judged
• Regulate your body in familiar surroundings
• Access consistent support, even on tough days

At Coach For Mind, our online sessions are trauma-informed, confidential, and tailored around your pace and comfort.

Whether you’re in Delhi,Gurgoan,  Bangalore, or a small town, support is just a click away.

8. What happens in trauma therapy at Coach For Mind?
You’ll start with a free discovery call where we would understand what kind of support you’re looking for,just to talk, no pressure. Then, we match you with a therapist who specializes in that area, whether that’s emotional neglect, grief, relationship trauma, or anxiety from past wounds.

If any part of this made you feel seen , maybe that’s the part ready to be heard.

You don’t have to do it alone.

✨ Begin with a free 15-minute discovery call at www.coachformind.com

Written by the therapists at Coach For Mind
Trauma-informed mental health care for modern Indian minds.