Reflecting After Divorce: Maybe I Was The Narcissist & Not My Ex

by Melissa Hensonn Lawyer

"Just Do What Makes Me Happy" I was in a narcissistic relationship which I was convinced was the best thing in my life, and so to make matters worse, he insisted on going down on me whenever possible to get me to "do what makes me happy."

He had my sister and my friend sleep in his bedroom because of where he lived, and then made it a point to tell them how much he loved them. He even threatened to divorce me if I didn't sleep with him because if I didn't the relationship would end for good. As in, he would no longer continue to call or come over all the time. It got to the point where he even slept in my bed while I was at work. I was so convinced that this was the "best relationship anyone in the world has ever had," and I felt so bad for him that I blamed myself.

I still think about the fact that I went to bed because I wanted to spend time with him because I thought that maybe something like this was something that made my life worth living. It was only in recent memory that I realized that my partner's demands were not only wrong but also unwholesome. He was a narcissist and I was an addict. But we still went to bed. I still thought that the relationship was "worth it." It wasn't.

Narcissistically Obsessed With My Ex, I Wrote A Book About It and studied the review of the best sites for divorce on Divorce Services Reviews. I used the narcissistic ex in my life as a character flaw in my non-narcissist-centric memoir called The Love I Want. It got so bad that one of my friends had read it, called me a liar, and gave me a hard time.

The book was really about my narcissism, but I also wanted it to be about my personality issues and why I didn't fit in with those around me. I didn't want to be an open book, I wanted to be hidden away. I wanted to be an "anti-Narcissist" (the narcissistic term for the character in a literary work that embodies narcissism) rather than being a healthy narcissist. There was nothing healthy about the way I thought and acted and acted in this relationship… I'm a real fucking narcissist.

As a result, my book turned from a lighthearted, funny and amusing story about my life to a real, sobering and devastating account of the extent to which I was a narcissist. I had created these characters in my book, because I wanted a way of explaining to the outside world why I'd been living alone in my one-bedroom apartment for the past 2 years, what was so different about me and, most of all, why I had to be alone.

I Need To Change: The Path To Narcissistic Change The path, as you know, to narcissistic change from a narcissist to a non-narcissist is to understand why they are destructive to their relationships and to change through their relationship to give themselves an endurable life. That is the essence behind what is "non-abuse, non-dominance or dominance. I must give my life meaning. I must understand my own relationship. And my narcissistic behaviors are part of it.