Reclaiming Your Individuality After Divorce

by Melissa Hensonn Lawyer

Your spouse must respect you. Otherwise, you can always file for divorce in Georgia.

"The personhood of the woman is something quite separate from that of the child." -- Betty Friedan. A few more tips:

1) If the person you have a serious relationship with thinks "Mister" is a good way to address you, you're already out of luck and might as well give up.

2) Your name is a reflection of what you've achieved and what you feel like you've achieved. It gives you an identity and voice.

3) You also have an identity as a person. Make it a habit to ask yourself before saying "What does it mean to me?" and then use the above tips to find a new meaning.

4) Use the title "Ms." to assert your independence, to show people you're a grown-up, and as a way to distinguish yourself from other women in a same-sex relationship.

What the Other Side Is Saying. I think it's a great title. Most people don't take a chance to really know what's under the cover, but it's a great title because it's not a lot to ask. It means that when a friend and her husband want something we can give it to them. Or something and we make sure our husband knows what it is when it's given.

It's the little extras like this that make a relationship feel special. The fact that I only use the name "Myself" is a bit of a conundrum, because I feel like I've given someone too much power. But that's just me because I'm human, and people change, I'll change when it comes to my own name, but it's never to the point that it's a hindrance to my life or my relationships.

The other side thinks the title "Ms." is a great title. They think it's a "sign of authority." They think that women should use that power by asserting it as a sign of her power. But there's a problem with that. When you make yourself a boss, there's a price. In my experience, most people go along with the name change. However, one common complaint from women who have made the change is that, after a while, they feel "different." They don't seem to fit in and their self-esteem goes down, and they're left feeling isolated.

What "Ms." Means. The title Ms. refers back to the term female or woman. In all of my conversations with women who have done the title change, I've often been asked one question "How do you know if your husband wants you to call your self Ms or male? He doesn't ask." That question bothers me because all it says is that he's insecure because he doesn't know. Men are very insecure about their appearance. They feel that they don't measure up to female standards. So if you see a wife wearing a sexy outfit and your husband asks "Who's that woman?" or "Does she have Adam's apple?" you have a pretty good idea that this isn't a person to be with. He may change his tune but that doesn't mean he isn't insecure.