Do Cigarettes Expire First or Humans?

Let's start with the weird part: talking about shelf life

Okay, let's get started. Do cigarettes go bad? No, not in the manner that milk goes bad. On day 366, they don't suddenly become poisonous sludge. They're already toxic sludge in elegant paper tubes, aren't they?

But yes, smokes may become bad. Not wet. Rough. It tastes strange, like you left bread out overnight and then attempted to eat it. Not harmful in the way that "oops, food poisoning," but nonetheless dangerous because you're still breathing in charred stuff.

Packs that haven't been opened? If you put them in a drawer, they'll probably be fine for a year, maybe two, or maybe longer. It depends on what you mean by "fine." If you mean "fine" as in "smokeable," then yes. If you mean "fine" as in "doesn't taste like licking an ashtray," then no. When you open them, you're on a clock. Air, water, and sunlight are all robbers. They take away freshness.

And what about those little codes on the box? Not dates that end. Sorry. They're just nonsense from the factory. You can't really figure them out without a guidance unless you work at the factory. Most smokers don't care; they just light up and go about their business.

Why storage becomes a hobby in itself

 Some individuals think of smokes like wine. Ziplocs, Tupperware, and humidors (yes, real humidors, like the ones for cigars but for Marlboros) are some great storage tips. It's kind of funny because no matter how well you watch them, they're still cigarettes. You won't be able to take a pack of 2018 Camels and swirl it in a glass and say, "Oh, it's aged beautifully."

I did the freezer thing once. Please don't ask me why. A guy from a 7-Eleven informed me it "locks in freshness." What do you think? Smoke that has been frozen still tastes like smoke. Also, you don't want freezer burn around your lungs.

So, yes, storage can make things last longer, but only for a short time. Cigarettes don't last forever. They just become older in different ways. They get old, but they don't "expire." Very different.

The Bigger Problem: People Die

People don't like to hear this, because cigarettes can remain for years in a drawer, but your lungs don't. People say, "I've been smoking for 20 years and I'm fine." That's cool. My uncle was fine until the X-rays came back.

It's strange that smokers care more about stale cigarettes than death. Like, "Wow, this pack is a bit dry." Dude, your lungs are drier. Every morning you cough. It doesn't matter whether the cigarette is six months old; your body is the one that is counting down.

And the smell? Don't even get me started. It sticks. Clothes, hair, and vehicle seats. I once tried to sell my old Honda Civic, and the guy just remarked, "Nah, it smells like a dive bar." Cigarettes don't go bad, but they do lose value when you try to sell them.

Why quitting is better than getting new storage

You can baby your packets, decode your production codes, and put them in a cave if you wish. But being fresh is a distraction. The most important thing is quitting.

And quitting is hard. Don't allow anyone make it sound better than it is. I tried everything: quitting cold turkey (which didn't work on the third day), nicotine gum (which tasted like rubber), sunflower seeds (which I choked on while driving once), and patches (which fell off in the shower). You name it.

But here's the trick I didn't see coming: numbers. Following. It was harder to lie to myself when I saw my own tendencies on a screen. Cigarettes don't go bad, but excuses do.

How to Stop (Or at Least Try Without Going Crazy)

• Count your cigarettes. Even if you don't want to quit now, start keeping track. Step one is to be aware.

• Put off the next one for ten minutes. That space is sometimes all you need. Sometimes you give in. Whatever. Keep going.

• Rituals for swapping: Coffee and cigarettes? Have some coffee and gum. Cigarette and beer? Have some fries and beer. Still terrible for you, but not as dangerous for your lungs.

• Tell someone, "I know it sucks, but you're on the hook because people know you're trying to quit." Peer pressure, but in the other way.

• Take the slips – You will fail. At a gathering, you'll shine. Or after a long day. Doesn't undo progress. Just keep going.

My App, My Cheat Code

I make apps for phones. Monkey with code. I build apps for other people's ideas, but one weekend I wondered, "What if I made one for my own bad habit?" At first, it was just a simple counter. I tapped a button every time I smoked. It showed me how much money I was wasting. How many cigarettes do you smoke in a week? How much time I wasted. Strangely, numbers hit harder than coughing bouts.

And yes, I reside in San Diego, so part of my work-life balance is just coding, looking at the beach, and acting like I'm relaxed. But in reality, it's all about deadlines and fixing bugs. There is a certain style to mobile app development in San Diego. I wrote the tool that helped me quit smoking halfway between tacos and traffic jams.

Then I added alerts. When I hit my "daily max," my phone chimed. Not much guilt. It wasn't magic, but it did make me move more slowly. I cut back on smoking by a few cigarettes a day, then a few more. The app finally told me, "You haven't logged a cigarette in a week." That was the first time I really thought I could quit.

The End That No Smoker Wants to Hear

So, do people or cigarettes die first? Cigarettes can be in a pack for years and still work. People don't have that privilege. We get tired quickly. We go faster if we smoke.

You may worry about how long things will last, how stale they will get, and how to store them better, or you can worry about your own life. Because that one doesn't receive an extension, unlike the one in your drawer.