Emotional Abuse. The Hidden Abuse. There is help and hope for domestic violence!
I hope this is a blog, that no one will need to read, ofcourse, but if someone you know is suffering at the hand of a person with abusive behavior, either emotional or physical, I hope you will find some comforting, helpful and encoraging knowledge and advice from this blog.
I hope if someone out there is in need of help, this information will be helpful.
Unfortunately, many suffer day by day from emotional abuse..either themselves, or know somone that is personally suffering.
Physical abuse is very apparent in that it is almost always visible to the eye, yet emotional abuse can take its tole for years, with or without ever being noticed
This is a subject, not long ago, hardly understood or acknowledged, yet it is very real.
One thing is for sure, no one deserves to live in fear of someone you know or love.
There is plenty of help out there, if you or someone you know is in this situation, please seek help and guidance.
Here is a link with very informative information. This is a very good site on the subject.
http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/links.html
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Incident is "forgotten", no abuse is taking place. The "Honeymoon" phase.
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Tension increases, breakdown of communication, victim becomes fearful and feels the need to placate the abuser.
Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasn't as bad as the victim claims. |
Phase 2 - Incident: Verbal, emotional, physical abuse. Anger, blaming, arguing. Threats. Intimidation.
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Understand how this cycle efficiently and completely destroys you:
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
"Emotional and/or physical abuse can happen to women or men or child. No one deserves to be treated so unkindly." Lisa G.
Recommended Books on Emotional Abuse:
Note: There are many resources out there, these are just a few suggestions and resources, please check your local community listings too.
Books & resources For women who are being abused:
1. No Visible Wounds: Identifying Non-Physical Abuse of Women by their men
Author: Mary Susan Phd Miller
2. The Verbally Abusive Man, Can he change? A Guide to deciding whether to stay or go.
Author: Particia Evans
Books and Resources for Men who are being abused
3. Abused Men. The hidden side of domestic violence.
Author: Phillip W. Cook
A. http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/ (a website for abused men)
Books and Resources for helping a freind or a family member
4. Web site: How can I help a Friend or a Family Member?
National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
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Comments (31)
Jenny Stewart11
Hi Penny,
In my case it wasnt particularly brave - it was just something that happened and has had to be overcome. there isn't a great deal of choice. I didn't have to run away - luycky me - he left!A
And the turning point comes when you just decide one day that you are worth more than all that sh*t. and you are just not willing to get into a repeat of the same situation (a variation on a theme, so to speak). i guess it never goes away completely - i will always have a horror of people sho
Penny Young8
Consultant
Thanks for this blog, Lisa.
Jenny and Jenn, it made me cry to read your posts. I am so thankful that you have been able to move on with your lives. I have also experienced this, and after a physically abusive marriage, spent much of my youth in emotionally unhealthy relationships. While I don't think any of us can totally heal the scars, I consider myself very lucky to now be in a safe, trouble-free marriage.
It is with mixed emotions that I read the comments here. On one hand, it i
Lisa G.9
Health Wellness & Wealth Consultant
I'm so happy to hear that your bad situation ended, and that you are all okay now.
Being told you are crazy, is the biggest excuse that an abuser uses to try to make the victim think that it is their fault. Usually, this accusation ocurs once the victim has become frustrated and mad at the abuser.
I hope people who are victims and/or living in an abusive enviroment know that they are not crazy, and that they are not alone.
There are a lot of sources available too, for counseling. S
Jenny Stewart11
Thanks for this article Lisa. Emotional abuse is "technically" against the law in most countries. But there is an enormous problem. How do you prove it? Who is going to believe you? Many of these abusers have wonderful public images.
My kids' father was one of them - so quiet and smiling - people asumed he was gentle. I was the lively and so automatically the "agressive one". There was a little physical violence (always denied afterwards by him) but being trapped at home with two small
Jennifer Underwood11
Promoter
I hope so!
One of my main goals is to be a spokeswoman against Domestic Violence. And even though I am a woman that went through it, men are going through it just as bad. And then the poor poor children.
Jeff Greene8
Online Marketing Specialist/Consultant
As I have witnessed two very tragic murder suicides and definitely know that Emotional and Physical violence have definite consequences, almost daily in this town, I really appreciate this posting... It's a dizzying epidemic, with sorrowful outcomes for all involved.
There are many resources available online, and offline, too.... Thanks for sharing yours, Lisa... The day can't come fast enough, when this hidden tragedy comes to an end.
My Love and Blessings Abound For You All!
Lisa G.9
Health Wellness & Wealth Consultant
Thanks for sharing your experinces, Jen.
You never know who may read your story, and decide to seek help, or to help a friend.
There is antother book, that I used as a reference when I helped my friends out. If somone does decide to help, your safety is of up most importance. I'll see if I can find this book in my library.
Jennifer Underwood11
Promoter
And trust me, when I was in the situation..I was looked down upon from the 'outside' world. 'Why don't you just leave him'...'how can you let him do this to you'...
It is all a control and brainwashing game. One minute he would make me feel like the smallest molecule in the universe..and then the next minute make me feel like the most special person!
Together we had a nice 'material' life. And I really did think I loved him, and that he loved me. I'm sorry was words that were said on a dai
Lisa G.9
Health Wellness & Wealth Consultant
Awwh...I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Unfortunately, this happens way too often.
I'm so happy that you got out of that situation. The statistics are clear, that only about 3% of people that have an abusive behavior will ever completely stop the abuse.
I fortunately am not in this situation, but went through it side by side with a couple of very close friends. I became very educated on the matter, out of necessity. They are both okay now! Thank goodness. Amazing the steps that s
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
Too many people do not acknowledge this exists. If there are no marks or bruises, it's not abuse. Believe after 12 years in law enforcement I know first-hand how emotional and verbal abuse can be ignored.
Great post Lisa.
Jennifer Underwood11
Promoter
I went thru all of everything in my last marriage. I now suffer from PTSD because of it all. It is such a hard world to live in. He would beat me up emotionally, mentally, physically...and then coming loving up back to me. Thank God I got out of it! Unfortunately my best friend did not. She was murdered by her live in boyfriend...he beat her to death.
If you are in this situation...there is hope and you need to get out NOW!