Sensual fetishes – the word associations of “strange,” “weird”
and “freak” are unfortunately often made with this term. But there’s no need
for fetishes to come with a negative connotation. While some fetishes are
problematic (such as uncontrolled exhibitionism or pedophilia), many are
completely harmless, though they may be difficult for those without such a
fetish to understand. For a man’s own personal sensual health (and therefore male organ health), as well as for the
good of his relationships, it’s important not to suppress or feel ashamed about
his fetishes. Of course, it’s not always the easiest of subjects to broach with
a partner who may not understand. The following tips might help.
1) Get
informed.
Before a man can have a calm and safe
conversation about his sensual fetish(es), he should know as much as possible
about it. This is a bit tricky, considering that research into the nature of
fetishes has not unveiled a conclusion as to their origins. Different things
may cause fetishes to emerge in different people. But it can be good to know
how common a man’s particular fetish is (to the extent possible), how long ago
the fetish was first reported on or discussed in literature, etc. Read articles
in psychological and sensual health publications about sensual fetishes for a
broader understanding as well.
The first thing to know about a fetish
is the definition thereof. The Kinsey Institute defines it thus: “a strong
[sensual] preoccupation with an object, material, or body part.” This doesn’t
necessarily mean that a person needs the
object, material or body part to get turned on or reach release, but that the
thing in question may be needed for maximum enjoyment of sensual activity. Some
with strong fetishes may need the thing in order to perform or finish.
2) Get
comfortable.
Shame, guilt and discomfort will not
lend themselves to a healthy conversation. A man may feel better after becoming
more informed; if not, he should seek out help from a therapist to get more
comfortable with his special desire.
3)
Don’t expect an immediate go-ahead.
Be comfortable, but don’t get defensive.
Understand that fetishes are hard for people without them to understand, and
don’t expect partners to hop on board right away with playing out one’s
fantasies. This may be a challenge for the other partner, so go slow and keep
the doors of communication open.
4)
Personalize the desire.
Sometimes the inclusion of a fetish into
sensual activity can cause the other partner to feel that it no longer matters
that he or she is the one with whom the fetishizing partner is playing out the
desire with. It can be helpful for men to explain to their partners that, just
as they both like certain positions but the act is still special between them,
so it is with the fetish. This is your special thing to share together.
5) Start
slow.
If the partner is on board, then great!
But don’t pull out all the stops right off the bat. If a man is into BDSM, for
example, busting out a ball gag and whip on the first night of experimentation
might be alarming. A couple should discuss how to ease into it, and a partner
should never perform an act involving the other without having discussed it
first. Following the BDSM example, a couple may agree to start with some soft
hand cuffs and maybe a blindfold and feather teaser – nothing too rough.
6)
Communicate one’s needs without coercing.
For those who need their fetishes
fulfilled in order to have a satisfying intimate life, but whose partners are
not comfortable taking part, it’s important to be honest but not to coerce.
This is a fine line to tread – stating one’s needs can easily be interpreted as
a threat to leave the relationship or an attempt to cause guilt or a sense of
inadequacy in the other. Partners need to speak lovingly with one another on
this issue. It may turn out that the relationship will not work because of this
hurdle, and that needs to be explored openly and without judgment. Be honest,
but tread softly.
Along with being open and honest, a man
can do both himself and his partner a favor by seeing to it that his manhood is
in optimal health. If rough lovemaking is his thing, he’ll need to make sure he
takes steps to keep his male organ moisturized so that his skin can take the
beating. A male organ health
crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) can be of service, as it contains Shea
butter and vitamin E for skin protection and hydration. Keep the male organ
healthy with both an active lovemaking life and a quality skin care product.
Visit http://www.menshealthfirst.com for additional information on most common
male organ health issues, tips on improving organ sensitivity and what to do to
maintain a healthy member. John Dugan is a professional writer who specializes
in men's health issues and is an ongoing contributing writer to numerous
websites.