How to Encourage Your Children to Find Their Talents

If you’re a parent, it’s normal to think that your child is overly skilled at everything. It takes only one look at a toddler’s finger painting for you to deem him the next Picasso. Or, you watch a dance recital for your 10-year-old and suddenly, you’re getting visions of her dancing in the New York Ballet. We naturally want the moon for our kids and as such, helping them find and hone their talents is always top of mind.

Yet, before you sign your child up for every enrichment lesson, after-school activity, or school sport imaginable, think twice. Experts reveal that while there are both advantages and disadvantages to having a full schedule, one thing is for sure: Children need time to reflect upon, digest, and practice each habit before moving on to learning a new one. That said, here are a few ways you can encourage your child to find his or her talent and pursue it to the fullest.

1.  Watch for the smallest signs of fervor.

Does your child light up when watching baseball players on television? Does he see you with a table saw in the workshop and want to spend the entire evening watching you create something from nothing? Do you find your little girl taking apart toys and putting them back together again, or your son looking at old maps thoughtfully, tracing the shapes of continents and where they go? Sometimes, unlocking a talent isn’t a momentous occasion and you might not even realize the interest as it’s growing. Look for little indicators of interest and when you recognize them, ask about them.

2. Encourage practice, even if it’s sloppy.

Your child won’t hit a ball off the tee perfectly the first time. In fact, he or she might not even make contact the 100th time. That isn’t to say that the talent isn’t there. Scientists have long claimed that all practice is beneficial to helping us learn, even the kind that is totally trial and error and riddled with mistakes. In fact, kids learn best by problem-solving, so when your daughter misses that basketball shot time and again, she’s learning every time and figuring out how to adjust her technique to better position herself next time. To this end, encourage your child to push through mistakes and to view them less as setbacks and more as setups for success.

3. Have patience and take time.

One of the best ways to encourage your child to hone a lifelong talent is to not rush him or her into it. Rather, allow him to set the pace and encourage a slower approach than some might find normal. Case in point: The school where musical greats Yo-Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman learned their craft, Meadowmount, has a rule that students should play slow enough that someone passing by cannot discern the song they are playing. The reasoning? When we’re under pressure to perform quickly, mistakes are great and frustration is high. When you allow your child to take his or her time, odds are higher that success will follow. That means if soccer tryouts are next month and your child is just now showing an interest, go ahead and let him try for the team, but set your sights on next season, when you’ll have had time to really learn the sport and all of its technicalities.

4. Praise effort above all else.

As parents, we are our children’s greatest cheerleaders. If we focus on the skill alone, we take away from the value that the effort holds. If we only divvy out praise when she scores that goal or when he breaks that board in karate, they’ll go their whole lives thinking that love is attached to conditional performance. Rather, encourage them every time they pick up a ball or pen or paintbrush or whatever their medium might be. In turn, they’ll be more likely to practice harder and stick with it, even when the going gets a little rough.

5. Know when to step back.

We’ve all heard those loud parents in the bleachers. In fact, many of us might be those parents ourselves. Yet, remember that ultimately, a child’s talent comes from within him and while it’s healthy for us to be involved in the things that interest him, there should also be a limit for how much and how often we participate.

Stepping back allows your child the freedom to pursue new ideas, fail freely and soar to unprecedented heights. Know when to hold his hand and when to let him run free. The core of parenting in general can be boiled down to that simple rule of thumb.

At the end of the day, allowing your child the freedom to find, pursue and hone his or her special talents is a gift that we, as parents, can freely bestow. By encouraging the effort, allowing setbacks, and having patience with the process, we can place ourselves in the best position of all: Watching happily on the sidelines as our kids find their footing and their wings at the same time.