Shame is the invisible side of narcissism, and it acts as a driving force to keep up the narcissistic facade. For a narcissistic personality, shame is a feeling that the person can´t tolerate at all and he/she doesn´t want to experience shame at all. Therefore, these persons have developed a self-image which, according to the person himself/herself, always is better, more beautiful and more knowledgeable than anyone else.

Shame is a feeling you create in your childhood and this can be happen in different ways. If a parent continues, for example accusing the child, telling him/her that he/she is cruel to the younger sibling and never explains why he/she is accusing the child, this can lead to the child developing a mindset that acts as a wall, a safeguard, telling; "my mom says I am bad but I know that I'm something special".

Because the child at this age also exerts the magical thinking he very easily can, in his thoughts, see himself as something special and he thinks that it is the truth. When the child is 2-3 years old, the child is especially sensitive to this kind of thinking. But if the parent explains the things in a way that the child understands, there is not going to happen the narcissistic development.

Shame is always the central emotion behind the façade if a person is suffering of pathological narcissism and it is the covering of the shame that makes us experience these people as self-confident, and we get a feeling that they know exactly what they do. They may seem totally unconcerned when they do immoral acts and they can tell you lies without a muscle moving on their face.

A narcissistic woman got a message, just before his own wedding, a message telling that her father had an aggressive form of cancer and her reaction was: "Typical, he'll get sick right before my wedding."

Now, when we are working with persons on internet; how do you know you have met a narcissistic person?  It is not easy if you are not professional but there are some signs you can see early if you are observant. The risk is that you are not observant is because of this person just shows his/her charming behavior in the beginning.

Then small  things begin to happen, like if everything doesn´t work as he/she wants, you can feel a small irritation but the person always find an explanation for his/her behavior and shows his nice behavior again. But actually, a narcissist can´t hide a very long time. You see small things, like the person being angry and changing mood very soon. A narcissistic person always wants to be number one and in every case better than his/her partner.

Narcissistic leadership is a leadership style in which the leader is only interested in him/herself. Their priority is themselves - at the expense of their people/group members. This leader exhibits the characteristics of a narcissist: arrogance, dominance and hostility. Narcissistic leadership (preferably destructive) is driven by unyielding arrogance, self-absorption, and a personal egoistic need for power and admiration.

How do you know that you are making business with a narcissist? Well, if you have a strange feeling of this person, believe in your gut feeling and be careful. They seem to be very powerful and have new ideas all the time. And you are their friend as long as you tell them that they are good. But try to take over and have some ideas self and you are going to see the furious side of them. It can be seen even if you never had seen a person. This kind of person has only two categories of person: they who admire him –friends. But if the same person says something the narcissistic person doesn´t like – the narcissistic anger takes over and you are nothing.

There are even clear signs of narcissism:

·        1. Grandiosity

·        2.Pursues power at all costs, lacks normal inhibitions in its pursuit

·         3.Concerns limited to expressing socially appropriate response when      convenient; devalues and exploits others without remorse

·         4. Lacks values; easily bored; often changes course

·         5.  Traumatic childhood undercutting true sense of self-esteem and/or learning that he/she doesn't need to be considerate of others

So do you think you have met this kind of people? I know that I have, not only as therapist but I have been working with people like this.

If you think a person is a narcissist, there is only one advice: RUN!!!!!!

Have you ever met a narcissist? Yes, you have. We all have. And you can be sure it was a narcissist you met, if you later feel like Cinderella at midnight, standing there in a tattered dress without shoes. Your narcissistic mother and sisters are left at the castle and having a party...