Your Wedding Gift List – what should you ask for?

Creating a wedding gift list can be confusing and a little conflicting sometimes. There is no doubt that there is a certain etiquette to follow when formulating your list, because you want your guests to feel part of your celebrations, but at the same time you don't want them to feel obliged to buy you a gift if they don't really want to, or if you know they cannot afford to spend much on a present.

So, what should we do?

A wedding is public show of affection and commitment by a couple towards each other – and not just a sneaky way to get loads of freebies from their family and friends. Some couples choose not to have a wedding gift list at all, stating "It's your presence, not your present, that we want!" on the wedding invitations.

 

Another alternative instead of a wedding gift would be to suggest guests make a financial donation towards the honeymoon, if they so choose. This way your guests are not feeling compelled to buy something, and if they do donate towards the cost of the honeymoon, they will know they have contributed towards something special that you as a couple can enjoy together.

 

As a couple, you may already be living together and have just about everything you need, so may not actually want anything extra, but there will always be a few family members and close friends who will still want to buy you something anyway even though you have told them not to. So if you do choose to go with a gift list, then you will need to word it so your guests don't feel as if they have to buy anything, unless they really want to.

 

Without some sort of gift list in place, you may end up getting inundated with gifts that you either don't really want, or you may already have at home. After all, who really needs three toasters and four coffee makers? OK, you could donate some of your unwanted gifts to charity, but how would it feel to the person buying you that gift if you were to give it away? You may end up hurting the feelings of you nearest and dearest without really meaning to.

 

Defining your gift list can take some time and thought, so this is a task that shouldn't be left until too close to your wedding day. You may end up adding things to your list that could take some time for your guests to get hold of. You need to give your guests a decent amount of notice so they have plenty of time to get you a gift that you want, and have it delivered in time for your wedding.

Should you include your gift list with your wedding invitations?

Wedding gift lists are actually quite a new phenomenon. When it became acceptable to issue gift lists, it was not good etiquette to include it with your wedding invitations. Times have changed, and so it is perfectly acceptable to post a gift list along with your invitations these days, and it can be a lot simpler than having to first send out invitations followed by a gift list a couple of weeks later.  Some couples choose to wait though, and will only send out their wedding gift list once they have received their guests RSVP to say they will be attending. These days it is highly unlikely that your guests will take offence at getting both together, and some wedding stationery companies even produce invitations that have gift list inserts for your convenience.

 

In these days of modern technology, many couples choose to have a wedding gift website instead of a printed gift list. This can be very convenient, and if you don't want to pressure your guests into buying you a gift, then a mere mention of the site at the bottom of your wedding invitation can be less 'in your face' than a physical list that drops out of your invitation. A wedding gift site is also useful because your guests can reserve or buy a particular gift on the site, and other guests will not be able to buy the same gift, so avoiding embarrassing duplications.

 

The only downside of having a wedding gift site is that some of the older members of your family may not be very tech-savvy, and so will not be able to go online to buy you a gift this way. You could compromise and provide those family members and friends who are not so technically minded a paper gift list to choose from instead.

Should all our guests be given a gift list?

When you are having a small and intimate wedding, then it is perfectly acceptable to issue a gift list to everyone that will attend. But if you are having a large and lavish wedding with lots of guests attending your evening reception only, then you probably wouldn't expect your evening guests to buy you a gift. This is something to remember when giving your wedding invitations – try to separate out those guests only attending your reception and make sure they don't get a copy of your gift list, or the details of your wedding gift site.