Stressed? Look At These Hilarious Pregnancy Jokes!

What do you call it when you’re unable to find someone to help you through your pregnancy?

A midwife crisis.

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relaxes in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman’s doctor had informed her of the pregnancy. “What is wrong with you? Mrs Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren - and you tell her she's pregnant?”

The doctor continues to write his notes and without looking up at his colleague says, “tell me, does she still have the hiccups?”

I'm pregnant, so I asked my husband to put the Oreos where I couldn’t reach them.

He put them on the floor.

How is a pregnant woman like a toddler?

She outgrows her clothes every week!

Is there anything you should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

Pregnancy.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Did you know that your chances of becoming pregnant are hereditary?

The chances are that if your parents didn’t get pregnant, you won’t either.

How is being pregnant like being a kid again?

There’s always someone telling you what to do.

Is there any reason for a husband to be in the delivery room while his wife is in labour?

Only if the word “alimony” means anything to him.

An 18-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Rolls-Royce stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Royce and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take care of it." 

"I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Royce, a mansion, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand menacingly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."

I’m 20 weeks pregnant. When will my baby move?

With any luck, right after he graduates college.

What would be different if men were the ones who got pregnant?

Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

What should a joke have in common with a pregnancy?

A good delivery.

Hope you enjoyed these jokes. You can now book your next ultrasound scan at reduced rates by clicking here: Affordable Private Ultrasound Scan in Reading.