Should You Get Back with Your Ex? Think of this firstby Oleg K. content manager
At some point in our lives, each of us thought about getting back to an ex. Perhaps it's all about romantic melodramas, where the climax is often the long-awaited acceptance of the ex after a tearful scene. But in the real-life, the long-awaited "comeback" can sometimes become too risky and emotionally costly.
We can always choose between the right path and the “not-to-choose” path. Relationship experts provide you with recommendations on the best ways to get along with your ex. So if you can't get him/her out of your mind, here's a small list of things you need to know. We will highlight some working tips on how to get your ex back in this article.
Before you decide to get your ex back
If you are sure that the breakup was the wrong decision, you may decide that both of you would feel better if you were back together. When it comes to emotional, psychological, and even more physical violence, it is better to forget about it. But if you cannot give up the feeling that it was your heart match and that something went wrong in your relationship, or you could not properly deal with the difficulties that arose, then it may be worth trying to get your ex back.
That being said, you still need to give your partner some space rather than bombard him with love letters and messages. Such pressure and lack of respect for his/her decision to be alone will reduce the chances of getting back to each other. So what can you do to make your partner realize that you are who he/her should be with?
Focus on yourself
Don’t solve his/her problems, don’t try to find out how he’s doing, and whether he/she cries at night, biting his/her elbows after breaking up. You’d better focus on yourself. Have fun, spend time with friends, build a career, learn new things. If you haven't cut off all contact, your ex will soon see what an amazing life you have, and retrieve what an interesting and amazing person you are.
Don't expect him/her to come back
Even if you follow all possible guidelines, he/she may not come back. Or you may suddenly realize that you no longer need this reunion. Wait and see where the story will go.
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If he/she suddenly writes and asks how you are doing, just be happy about it. But it should be a calm joy, and not a frantic delight as if you were waiting for his message in the messenger all night long. If you have decided to write to him, and he/she did not answer the way you expected (or did not answer at all), do not throw a tantrum and do not start asking, “Why don’t you answer” or “After everything that we had, I expected a different reaction." Leave him alone for a while. Otherwise, you risk pushing him even harder.
By taking care of your life and not pursuing your ex in the virtual and even more so in the real world, you show that you feel good without him. You have not fallen into despair and depression. You are an adult and self-sufficient person. Allow your ex to miss you and your conversations. If you are constantly and persistently present in his/her life, he/she is unlikely to realize how awful it is to be without you.
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Think why you broke up
Of course, first and foremost, it is worth focusing on getting over the breakup. But at the same time, you might think about what exactly you should work on to make this relationship possible again?
Have you learned any lessons after you broke up? And if so, which one?
Also there are some cases when it is really hard to forgive, like cheating or even beatings. Moreover, you may not even know the exact reasons for the breakup. Do russian women cheat? Or do Latin girls cheat? Depends, right?
When you realize the true reasons for the breakup and change something, your ex will notice it.
Find out if he/she is single
Before asking your ex to date, find out if he/she is alone or with someone. If he/she doesn't have it in status, look at his photo albums: if he/she hugs the same girl in half of the pictures, who does not look like his sister, in different situations and interiors.
You can start asking him/her about common acquaintances: who is doing, who got married, who got divorced, and then organically move on to his personal life. But even your ex has a new friend - don’t be completely upset. Check these real stories that explain how to date a girl that has a boyfriend.
Is he/she single? Go ahead
Offer him or her a short, meaningless meeting - for example, a cup of coffee. This way, you will avoid an awkward situation if there is no romantic interest on his part. You can meet him/her at one of your old places - for example, a cafe where you often had a snack after work. Familiar scenery can evoke a storm of memories of the past. Even though there may be another person, there is still a chance to be the one. Check this outstanding post on how to help a girl to forget her ex.
"Do you remember... ?"
During the rendezvous, as if by chance, recall the funny, romantic, adventurous moments of your common past: how you met, where you went, what funny situations happened to you. Awaken nostalgia in his soul. Touch him, as if by accident, with your knee under the table. Pay attention to whether he/she recoils or, on the contrary, tries to maintain contact. Long story short - date wisely.
Assess the situation soberly
Do not rush to lose your head if you find that sparkling again between you. Remember why you broke up, and try to assess what changes have occurred in him.
For example, if the reason for the breakup was that your boyfriend was frivolously burning through his life, hanging out with friends until the morning, getting drunk and doing nothing smart, then look how much he/she drinks now, what he/she talks about his clubbing, work, lifestyle generally. It would be sad to start over and find that nothing has changed.
Before trying to reconnect with your ex, ask yourself two more questions.
First, are your feelings for your ex strong? Or do you just miss being alone, and returning to a familiar embrace is easier than going forward? If you don't feel like you truly love this person, don't even try.
Second, did you have a healthy relationship with your ex? It's easier to remember the good than the bad and gradually erase from your memory the way you fought all the time. Try to objectively think about everything so as not to get into the same bad situation again.
If your answer is "Yes!"
If you gave a positive answer to both of these questions, then go ahead. Contact him. Start with absolutely neutral communication. For example: “Hello! Glad to see you on Facebook. How are you?"
The tone of his response will determine what to do next. If the guy answers shortly and not too warmly: “Hello. Everything is fine. I hope you do too,” you hardly have a chance to get him back. But if he/she is noticeably happy, uses emoticons, exclamation marks, asks you counter questions, then this is a signal that you can move on.
We hope these recommendations will help you get back with your ex and build a happy relationship together. If you have once met your true soulmate, don’t let him go. While trying to get your ex back, don’t push too much. If it’s your person, you will feel it no matter what happened to you in the past.
Created on Aug 2nd 2021 10:59. Viewed 159 times.