Black men, white women dating: The opportunities and the challenges

Interracial relationships open up a lot of possibilities. First of all, once you decide that you are ready to date people outside your race, you immediately enlarge your dating pool. As great as that sounds though, there are a few things that you need to keep in mind. Different races mean different cultures. And the differences among cultures might be chaotic, when it comes to certain issues. Take for example American black men. White women tend to assume that all black men in the US are American and have a similar culture as theirs. This however is a huge generalization. Even if you meet an American black man, his cultural background might be from an African country, which is much more conservative than the US.
It is important to find out the basic aspects of a man's or woman's culture during the first dates, in order to determine if you would feel comfortable starting a more serious relationship with them. You should spend a lot of time talking and not make assumptions about your date's life philosophy based on stereotypes. Your date might be coming from a country where women do not enjoy even basic human rights. That does not mean that he is also a misogynist though. Keep that in mind when you go out with black men. White women, on the other hand, might be coming from a cultural background where women stay at home and take care of the kids. Your date however might not agree with this tradition of her people and might want to build a career outside the house. Asking questions is very important when dating people from a different culture/ race/ religion, in order to avoid misunderstandings. And remember: never assume!
Learning to share
People from different races have many differences. They can also have many things in common as well though. And if you are just starting a relationship or dating with someone from a different race, finding out the things that you share can help you make it last. You might be white and he might be black -or the other way round - but black men, white women might all have amazing childhood memories. Talk about those! Or maybe you have the same hobby, you love the same food or you enjoy the same type of music. Maybe your parents are doing similar professions or your siblings have the same age. It is the small things that count.
This is why sharing new experiences as well is a great idea. Travel together to a country where you both are tourists. Go to Asia! Black men, white women: both of you will be a stranger to the locals! Cook food that is exotic for both of you. Watch a movie by a foreign director, that none of you has watched before. Yes, you might be coming from different backgrounds, but that does not mean that you cannot build a common future together!
Learning each other's language is also a great way to share your thoughts, ideas and emotions with fewer misunderstandings. Even if you and your partner speak fluently the same language, your elders might not. Again, it is a good plan to learn a few phrases to be able to communicate with each other's parents in their own language. Something simple like “I really love your daughter, she is amazing” is a great start. Fathers of white women, black men's mothers included, everyone will appreciate the gesture.
Food is another way to share great moments with each other and open up to each other's culture. Everyone is more relaxed and accepting over a warm meal. Share with your partner your country's cuisine and encourage them to share theirs as well, by cooking for you. Offer to help them out in the kitchen and use the food preparation time to talk about your cultures. Does food play an important role? Do people eat as a family or is that not so common? What are some typical dishes? What kind of ingredients are used? What are some special recipes for special occasions? This kind of questions helps you unfold parts of your traditions in an easy-going way.
Learning not to judge
This is the hardest part. Unfortunately the world is not a perfect place. Wars are going on everywhere, human rights are not a priority in many countries, religious fanaticism is also causing misery in many areas of the world. Black men, white women, black women, white men, we all have faced racism and discrimination is some phase in our lives. Different approaches to life are a reality. If your partner was raised in a country where the Lord is above anything and you do not believe in any religion or if your partner was raised in a country where gay people are considered sinners and you have lots of gay friends, it can be hard to talk about these issues and find a solution. Still, even if you disagree on serious maters, you can make it work.
All you need is patience and acceptance. You should not start a relationship in hopes of changing the other person's mind though. You need to accept that your partner grew up in a different cultural background and that you cannot possible agree on everything. And that is OK. If you vote for different parties and go to a different church, you can still be loving couple. All you need to do is respect your partner's opinion and agree that you disagree - much like in any other relationship. As long as they love you, treat you right, care for you and respect your and your family's traditions and are not being offensive, you can make it work! Dating black men, white women or in general people from a different race, usually means that the individuals are understanding people, open to others and this helps a lot.
You need however to talk more about your differences, if you are planning on having children. Most of us honor our cultural heritage and feel the need to pass it on to the next generation. In the case of an interracial relationship, you need to figure out a way to merge traditions and agree which parts of each other's cultures you want to leave to the past. In many cultures it is the father that plays the key role of teaching the kids about their heritage and that might be the norm for black men. White women on the other hand might feel that this is the mother's responsibility and privilege. A couple coming from different backgrounds need to do this together.
So black men, white women, go ahead and date each other with an open mind and open heart and you will make it work. All it takes is patience.
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