You know we have conquered diseases when the CDC starts giving Zombie outbreak preparedness tips!
If you are not quite up to date on your Zombie outbreak preparations not to worry, the CDC has you covered.
As I logged onto the online news site for San Antonio tonight to check the weather I saw this article. It would appear that disease has been conquered by the CDC and since the had nothing better to do, they have decided to to help us all get ready for the Zombie outbreak. I'm not sure what tips the CDC has but they must be good since the traffic to the site is so heavy you can't get on it. So rather than wait for the CDC I thought I'd share
Cheryl's Zombie preparedness tips:
1. Designate your sacrifice. Yes we all know zombies are slow but they tend to travel in large groups, like locusts. Find the weakest, slowest and dumbest person in your group. When the zombies attack, and you are all running away, this person will be automatically disposed to standing staring and saying "huh?" This means that the Zombies will catch them allowing extra time for the rest of you to escape.
2. Avoid all malls. Zombies like the living just can't resist the food court. The only difference between them and us is the choice of menu.
3. Proper footwear is essential. Make sure you have a good pair of running shoes. If you must wear 4 inch spiked Jimmy Choo's, remember they are not fancy footwear but emergency defensive weapons(Only effective at close range for poking out zombie eyeballs.
4. Loot the first sporting goods store you come across. I guarantee you will find a gun or two along with some ammunition in the hunting section.
5. Aim for the head. Shooting a zombie anywhere except between the eyes just pisses them off.
6. When your best friend gets bitten shoot them immediately. I don't care how much first aid you give, you homey is now a zombie-in-waiting, just get it over with while they are still human enough to appreciate the gesture.
7. Stock up on necessary food stuffs. For some reason canned soda and potato chips seem to be in great supply during Zombie attacks.
8. Find a strong easily defensible position and barricade yourself in. If a member of your little group of survivors wants to 'take a look outside to check things out', refer to tip #1. They have just 'volunteered".
9 In the unbelievable event of these tips not working, the final tip-Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye!
Visit the CDC blog here
As I logged onto the online news site for San Antonio tonight to check the weather I saw this article. It would appear that disease has been conquered by the CDC and since the had nothing better to do, they have decided to to help us all get ready for the Zombie outbreak. I'm not sure what tips the CDC has but they must be good since the traffic to the site is so heavy you can't get on it. So rather than wait for the CDC I thought I'd share
Cheryl's Zombie preparedness tips:
1. Designate your sacrifice. Yes we all know zombies are slow but they tend to travel in large groups, like locusts. Find the weakest, slowest and dumbest person in your group. When the zombies attack, and you are all running away, this person will be automatically disposed to standing staring and saying "huh?" This means that the Zombies will catch them allowing extra time for the rest of you to escape.
2. Avoid all malls. Zombies like the living just can't resist the food court. The only difference between them and us is the choice of menu.
3. Proper footwear is essential. Make sure you have a good pair of running shoes. If you must wear 4 inch spiked Jimmy Choo's, remember they are not fancy footwear but emergency defensive weapons(Only effective at close range for poking out zombie eyeballs.
4. Loot the first sporting goods store you come across. I guarantee you will find a gun or two along with some ammunition in the hunting section.
5. Aim for the head. Shooting a zombie anywhere except between the eyes just pisses them off.
6. When your best friend gets bitten shoot them immediately. I don't care how much first aid you give, you homey is now a zombie-in-waiting, just get it over with while they are still human enough to appreciate the gesture.
7. Stock up on necessary food stuffs. For some reason canned soda and potato chips seem to be in great supply during Zombie attacks.
8. Find a strong easily defensible position and barricade yourself in. If a member of your little group of survivors wants to 'take a look outside to check things out', refer to tip #1. They have just 'volunteered".
9 In the unbelievable event of these tips not working, the final tip-Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye!
Visit the CDC blog here
8 people like it
Advertise on APSense
This advertising space is available.
Post Your Ad Here
Post Your Ad Here
Comments (18)
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
What really had me rolling was the fact that our local online newspaper was carrying the story. I had flashbacks of my grandmother telling me how much of a panic the radio broadcast of War of the Worlds caused way back when! At least no one started jumping out of windows this time!
Sergio Felix7
IT Pro
After #6 I was completely rolling on the floor but if you did go to the site (there's a link in the bottom) there are literally a bit more than 200 comments there (several hilarious comments as well LOL)
Don't know if it's just CDC showcasing their sense of humor but now they surely know how to grab everyone's attention! ;-))
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
Yes he's a political Zombie. He forgot he's supposed to be trying to feed on votes! Yep even among zombies some are more intelligent than others!
Rod D.10
@pplcheryl63 Did you know Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst is a Zombie? It's been all over the news in the great state of Texas as to what he did to undermine the fine folks of the great state of Texas. It's been all over the news. Everyone needs to read about!
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
I'm down in Texas. Definitely no problem finding guns and ammo down here. On top of that I'm In San Antonio a big military town. The Zombies will leanrn better really quick around here. If the soldiers don't shoot the the cowboys will!
Pat DeLeonibus3
@pplcheryl63 I love it! I can"t stop chuckling either. Listen if things get really bad I'll try to get to you. Between my family and close friends ( all avid hunters ) we have a small arsenal. I'm in N.Y., not sure where you are but If necessary I will attempt to commandeer a plane. We will survive! LOL
Sig TeamSig7
Marketing
Hehe...I can like this one too alot.
And Pat CallofDuty your not alone on that..I am a big Fighter at Call of Duty ;)
Sig
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
@Pat I take it you plan to be among the survivors too then! This has had me chuckling since I saw the CDC post last night.
Pat DeLeonibus3
I have the shot guns,extra ammo and plenty of practice since I play call of duty black ops.
The zombies won't stand a chance! Love this article. Great sense of humor!
Pat
Cindy Bolley16
HHCTB?
I love a woman with a great Plan!
Cindy
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
That's because my plan is built around survival not preparedness. You can keep the blanket and extra clothes give me the shotgun with extra ammo!
Cindy Bolley16
HHCTB?
I saw this on Fox News this am....
I don't recall them mentioning your info
So I am glad you posted it here.
Gotta Love it...
Very funny, thanks for the laugh
Cindy
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
Well at least it's not a flesh eating zombie. Instead of running around chanting "Brains!" the run around chanting "Spam!"
Belinha Fernandes5
Plastic artist
Ahahah! "Spam zombie", oh, please, I just have lunch, my belly is hurting while I laugh!
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
I guess we do need Zombie preparedness tips since a spam zombie hit this post. Chenlin you have been reported for abuse.
Cheryl Baumgartner12
Medical Billing/Coding/Insurance
Yes it is I guess they got tired of posting about swine flu epidemics that never happen
Belinha Fernandes5
Plastic artist
This is unbelievable!:)))
Lv Jie2
webmaster
Just visit your blog here for more than what we can