Aging Parents and Role Reversal

We received a phone call one morning from my husband's father.
He asked to speak to me.  When I inquired how he was doing,
he replied "not so good".  When I inquired what was ailing him, he
went on to tell me  he had just made his way into the house
after waking up in his front yard.  He had gone to water his plants
on his porch and found himself at the bottom of the stairs. 

Oh my God!  We went right over to his place and found his whole
midriff was black from bruising plus other contusions and scraps
evident on his front.  We took him to the hospital and that was our
beginning of the role reversal between a child and a parent.  Dad
could no longer care for himself.  He had suffered a stroke.

We never took Dad home to his place, other then to pack up
what he felt were his daily necessities. 

We realized then our old lives were gone and we now had to return
the generosities, love and care he had bestowed on us all these years.

Dad had never been sick.  He didn't have a Doctor, nor medical
insurance.  Medical Insurance in Canada is universal, but his
stand was he wasn't a socialist so he had never applied for it.
There were other things too that we had just taken for granted
had been attended to and found they were not.  What a mess.

We seen Dad at least 2 or 3 times a week prior to his stroke.
He had dinner with use every Sunday as he was a widower.
We never thought to delve into his affairs and he never shared
them with us either.   We came to realize that Dad had covered
his failing in health so as not to worry us or bother us.  Are you
kidding? 

To make a long short, we looked after Dad for 8 years, and
watched his steady decline.  He tried his best to fit in with
our rousing family, he compensated for some of our short
comings I am sure, as we truly didn't understand what was
happening to him. 

Finally the day came when the Doctor said we were not looking
after him the way he needed and it was time to go into a rest
home.  We cried.  We could do it.  The Doctor pointed out he
deserved better. 

I couldn't believe the relief Dad felt being in his new environment.
Others were like him.  He didn't have to hide his short comings
or failings.  If he had an accident, and they were frequent, it was
a no-never-mind.  The care givers treated him with respect and
thoughtfulness.  He enjoyed being away from our busy home.

In retrospect, I learned a lot from caring for Dad and promised
myself that I would never let my affairs go until I could no longer
look after them or myself.  That I would let my family know when
I felt that it was time to pass over the reigns, then we could all
relax while I went into my golden years.

 

Aging Parents and Role Reversal