It's a conspiracy! the evil Fruitcake has an ally!

That looks like a picture of what is in my backyard right now, only a lot smaller.  I have been run in the house by a spawn of Satan!  I hate snakes, this one is a very bad snake, it's alive!

I was minding my own business taking the dogs out so they can take care of business.  I had no idea I was in for an ambush.  (I have my suspicions that the fruitcake in my kitchen telepathically told this monster to lay in wait for me.)  My big mean dog was on his leash happily laying land mines for the unsuspecting lawn mower man when suddenly he ran and hid behind me.

This is one mean dog.  Okay he just looks mean and he's a big coward but still he's a dog and better suited to counter attack than me.  Of course I was curious as to what would make him run and cower behind me like that.  That's when I saw Anaconda just laying in wait, ready to strike by slithering over my exposed feet (note to self: no more wearing flip flops to take out the dogs).

When my heartbeat returned to an almost reasonable level I realized that I had a problem, how to get three dogs back in the house quickly and quietly before Jake the Snake zeroed in on his prey.  I could almost hear that fruitcake trying to tell it turn left.  Big dog was all for going inside the other two which both have issues (One has Canine Attention Deficit Disorder and the other could do with a prescription for Prozac) both wanted to investigate why the big dog and I were shaking like leaves when the temperature is 70 plus degrees.

I finally got the two nosy ones to go up the stairs to the deck.  Big dog and I took the scenic route.  We walked around the perimeter of the yard (keeping an eye out just in case Jake brought back up)  We didn't get halfway up the stairs before Jake took up a guard position at the bottom of the steps.  He's been there for a long time and doesn't seem inclined to move in the near future.

So I am the unfortunate victim of a conspiracy.  The bad snake is doing the bidding of the evil fruitcake.  I know this must be the case.  A full year in Texas and I have never seen a snake anywhere near my yard until the fruitcake arrived.  It's a good thing that I have a front door because certainly won't be going out the back one anytime soon.