Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house"
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied. "It's square and it has your picture on it." The dirver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to wit
I was having a terrible morning and just started browsing blogs and thank God I did.
I sure needed a laugh. I have always heard said that laughter is the best medicine.
Thanks.
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH ??????
you may need to stop at the women's restroom . . . be prepared!
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you
check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has
been so long you
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
Reply from dad...
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can n
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table.
Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her. "Hello. How are you? We've been waiting for you. Good to see you!"
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" :lol: :lol:
Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes...
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore
and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus " bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance,
followed by a thunderous prayer meeting;
so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did!
What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection
just
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
A doctor walks into the bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls out a rectal thermometer from his shirt pocket and tries to write with it. He pauses for a moment, realizes his mistake, then looks up at the teller and says, "Well, that's great! Just great! Some asshole's got my pen."
Comments (28)
Jan aka Jaz Green7
Laughing disburst extra oxygen to the brain; allows one to relax and be more productive :D
Paramiswara @ Adnan...3
laugh always and sometimes the world will laugh with u.
Coldie5
KooL, GOOD one...
Have a GREAT weekends ahead!
James Williams Jr8
It is written that "laughter does a person good like a medicine." Thank you for the laughs and sharing smiles with friends.
Peace!
Nancy Bertoni3
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house"
"Don't worry
Nancy Bertoni3
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied. "It's square and it has your picture on it." The dirver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
Nancy Bertoni3
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least
Nancy Bertoni3
Famous Sayings
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian,
you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not
pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed,
but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to wit
Tina Graves3
I was having a terrible morning and just started browsing blogs and thank God I did.
I sure needed a laugh. I have always heard said that laughter is the best medicine.
Thanks.
Darrel (MyMagic) Hoo...7
Multiple streams, free to join.
Your Humor surpasses my beauty.
Nancy Bertoni3
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monke
Nancy Bertoni3
ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH ??????
you may need to stop at the women's restroom . . . be prepared!
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you
check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has
been so long you
Nancy Bertoni3
Letter home from school...
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
Reply from dad...
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can n
Nancy Bertoni3
Getting Into Heaven
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table.
Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her. "Hello. How are you? We've been waiting for you. Good to see you!"
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a
Nancy Bertoni3
Little Johnny Joke
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" :lol: :lol:
Jennifer Underwood11
Promoter
Top 10 reasons computers must be male:
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surge
Nancy Bertoni3
Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes...
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore
and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus " bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day
because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance,
followed by a thunderous prayer meeting;
so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did!
What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection
just
Nancy Bertoni3
" Entering Heaven "
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses the man wearing somewhat sloppy clothes, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Jack Thomas Jr., taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver,
Nancy Bertoni3
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus
Jennifer Underwood11
Promoter
and another....ha ha ha
A doctor walks into the bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls out a rectal thermometer from his shirt pocket and tries to write with it. He pauses for a moment, realizes his mistake, then looks up at the teller and says, "Well, that's great! Just great! Some asshole's got my pen."