Beth Schmillen  
Dee from over at the House of Max forum posted these funnies!

"These are a few quotes from a book called
"Laughter Is An Instant Vacation".
Hope they make your day.


If you look like your passport photo,
you're too ill to travel.
-Will Kommen

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my
whole right side sobered up.
-Dean Martin

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes
one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr

The
most remarkable thing about my mother is
that for 30 years she served
us nothing but leftovers.
The original meal has never been found.
-Calvin Trillin

My grandmother was a very tough woman.
She buried three husbands and two of them
were just napping.
-Rita Rudner

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TV's
for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer
to the one we have already.
-Wendy Liebman

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do
the dishes - and six months later you have
to start all over again.
-Joan Rivers

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't
need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
-Henny Youngman

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to
get out, but I can usually sedate him with
four or five cupcakes.
-Bob Thaves

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
-Ben Franklin

I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
-Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor is wonderful. Once, when I couldn't
afford an operation, he touched up the x-rays.
-Joey Bishop
Apr 10th 2009 21:25