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Following a news report that "Brazilian men killed their newlyweds because they turned their heads too high", the media used Feng Yuanzheng's stills in the drama "Don't Talk to Strangers" as a picture. Feng Yuanzheng reposted the news on Weibo, jokingly saying: "Brazil things also fit this picture?"
Things in Brazil are indeed different from the plot of "Don't Talk to Strangers". The former is a perverted desire for control and exclusivity to extremes, "love you to kill you", and the latter is a personality defect that will distort Use violence to release slowly in marriage. But while the former is cruel and kills lives, the latter's lethality lies in the long-term, endless mental and physical damage.
"Don't Talk to Strangers" is a literary work that has explored the issue of domestic violence the most so far. The broadcast of that year not only made Feng Yuanzheng a public enemy of the whole people, but also laid the foundation for the miserable girl that Mei Ting would not leave with. The protagonist image. I have a friend who, no matter what Mei Ting plays in the future, he feels like bitter cauliflower and smells bitter. Thirteen years later, the creators of "Don't Talk to Strangers" gathered again. Feng Yuanzheng posted a group photo on Weibo, and netizens also posted a funny message below: "Stop hitting Mei Ting."
The masses generally think that An Jiahe played by Feng Yuanzheng is disgusting, and Mei Xiangnan played by Mei Ting is sympathetic. Just after the performance of An Jiahe, Feng Yuanzheng walked on the street, often pointed at by pedestrians, and even cursed by a more dedicated audience. Even his mother-in-law called his wife Liang Danni to go around to find out if his daughter was Suffered domestic violence. As for the many violent scenes that Mei Ting has endured in the scene, although she used borrowing techniques during filming, she did not really hurt her, but it was just this kind of scenes and roles that made her feel more depressed and needed to return. Go to your room to take a rice bowl and vent hysterically.
But there is another saying that some people feel that Mei Xiangnan is even more hateful. The reason is that she gave in again and again and forgave An Jiahe who beat and kicked her again and again. It was simply too unbelievable. The weak are prone to sympathy, but they are more likely to cause contempt and condemnation. Even when a friend helped her get rid of An Jiahe, Mei Xiangnan still believed his confession and returned to him. This choice made people feel angry at An Jiahe. , Passed on to her.
This criticism of the victim is unfair. In domestic violence, the first thing to destroy and harm is not the body, but the spirit. Many women whose lives are threatened by violence have a strong fear and choose to yield under fear. This kind of submission will bring frustration, which in turn breeds self-doubt, "Is it true that I am wrong to be beaten?" If at this time the man cries and confesses his mistake, say a few words, "I just love you too much." Women can easily persuade themselves to accept such reasons as "if you don’t contradict me, I won’t lose my attitude."
After confessing, and continuing after confession, the cycle continues for several rounds. Not only is the mentality of the perpetrator distorted, but the mentality of the victim also becomes unhealthy. The self is trampled on, the dignity is damaged, and the personality is insulted. These are gradually changing one's perspective on oneself. Why many women like Mei Xiangnan choose to stay in an environment full of fear is because the mentality of the two people is no longer healthy. Both are patients. One patient, with another patient, is just right.
In order to survive, victims can only achieve a certain balance by twisting their mentality.
Domestic violence is not just physical harm, but also cold violence that is often overlooked.
A few days ago, a netizen asked about marriage on WeChat. Her marriage is the two heavens at home and away from home. In front of outsiders, others envy her to find a good husband. She is handsome and has a good career. Many friends, but others don’t know that when they return home, the perfect husband will be quick Incarnate into a cold, harsh man. Do not care about her, ask to do everything according to his will, otherwise he will keep reprimanding until she surrenders. She wants to get a divorce, but when outsiders say how good your husband is and how blessed you are, her spirit collapsed again. She felt that she must be incompetent to live her life like this and let someone else see her. The good man treats himself this way.
How sad, this sorrow is not that a woman got a bad marriage, but that her spirit is about to be completely destroyed. She is on the verge of self-doubt. She doesn't believe in herself, and she doesn't believe that she deserves better, because he is already better, so if she still can't be happy, the responsibility must be with herself.
This is a victory for cold violence and a victory for emotional control.
Domestic violence is more often committed by men on women, while cold violence does not distinguish between men and women. For example, some strong women like to marry honest men because they like to control the situation and don't like being suppressed, so they will choose those honest, non-aggressive men to marry.
But they often do not satisfy this relationship. After controlling the situation, they want to get a more individual husband. Therefore, they often complain, accuse, and fault, and feel that men are too useless and unwilling to themselves. Enveloped by this negative emotion, honest men will be deprived of their last bit of dignity, and they will become more silent, passive and closed, converging the only remaining active and lively, like a dead fish. This is his last line of defense to protect himself.
Emotional control is common not only in marriage relationships, but also in other relationships, including parents and children, and friends. Sometimes it is consciously, because they are worried that the other person will leave him or become better, so he should belittle him, suppress him, brainwash him, and make him feel bad about himself. Sometimes it is unconsciously. People who have no self-esteem usually seldom respect the self-esteem of others. They themselves live rough, numb and lack self-confidence, and will treat people around them in this way.
Li Han, the boss of Max and Caroline in the American TV series "Broken Sisters", is a good-tempered little man. The two girls always make fun of his figure and sexual experience, and he always looks helpless after listening to him. But after the T-shirts designed by Max and Caroline were pirated by wealthy students, he pretended to be a lawyer and came to the student cafeteria to give a speech on anti-bullying, helping them defend their rights. He said: "I know a little bit about being bullied. When I was a child, someone always bullied me. He was more than just punching, kicking, swearing and mocking me, although to be honest, it was really very impressive. Unhappy, but girls, the most terrifying thing about being bullied is that every time you are bullied, it seems that a small part of yourself has been stolen. So as the number of times increases, slowly, you will become more and more. The less I am like my original self. This is really not cool."
Li Han said that the most dangerous core of violence and cold violence. Those naked physical injuries, those cold violence, are the same, they all cannibalize one's self-confidence and self all the time. Over time, it is like taking away the beams and pillars of a house, and it can only become a pile of broken walls. Huan.
People can ignore the opinions of people they don’t care about, and they can also avoid the slander of insignificant people. It’s just that it’s hard to escape the judgment of loved ones. We always care more about how we look in their eyes. So, if you are questioned, accused, and humiliated over and over by your lover, parents, and friends, you will not only be stolen over and over again, but you will also lose your independent spirit and let others and your destiny control you without making any resistance.
A person whose self is destroyed is someone who no longer believes in himself or knows himself. They can only follow other people's judgments to know themselves, walk behind others, and start a confused life journey.
Therefore, to be with someone who really knows how to appreciate yourself, it doesn't matter if you don't love, but you have to be sincere and appreciated. Stay away from those who always blame you, they are all people who come to steal your ego. They are not lovers, not friends, but enemies.
Created on Nov 9th 2020 20:50. Viewed 256 times.
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