Never keep secrets from your partner. But these are the exceptions.

by David Elmers Student

However you met your significant other, whether it was after your eyes met in a crowded nightspot, you were introduced by a mutual friend, or you signed-up to an official website and fell for their online profile, your subsequent relationship will be characterized by trust. This is the bedrock of any partnership. The more the partners within a couple trust one another, the stronger their bond will become. And a crucial part of this understanding is sharing everything.

But are there ever situations where aspects of one person’s history should not be shared at all? Are there ever secrets which should always be guarded, even to the extent it would be worth risking the fallout of discovery? The fact is, there are definitely certain subjects which would only cause harm if they became public knowledge; in other words, if your partner found out.

Your sexual past

One topic that should most certainly remain confidential is your sexual history. The tally of how many partners either of you have enjoyed up until this moment is of absolutely no relevance to your present circumstances. This is such a subjective area. How many conquests does a female need to have enjoyed before society begins judging, introducing derogatory and inflammatory tones equating her behavior with looseness, or worse still, sluttiness? You suspect the same total for the male would merely lead to much backslapping by his buddies as if his failure to attract a monogamous companion means he is some sort of Lothario.

Sexual experience does not necessarily equate with prowess. Someone’s very first time could see them unleashing pent-up emotions to amaze the person on the receiving end. On the other hand, if they have had a lot of partners, they might have fallen into tired old routines. In terms of sex, the rule of thumb should be your current relationship is ‘year zero’ and past events can be consigned to history.

Your feelings for your partner

No matter how strong any partnership may be, moments might come along where you find yourself questioning the longevity of what you have. This is another aspect of your love life that should remain internal. It’s only natural to experience disillusionment but in the majority of cases, this will be down to your own doubts, or wobbles in your self-esteem. It would be very unfair to take these out on your partner. Voicing them at the earliest opportunity, before you’ve had a chance to rationalize them, will only create insecurity. What commenced as you articulating a groundless feeling could end up destabilizing your whole relationship unnecessarily.

Lack of support

Take this scenario. Your partner has been working hard to further themselves in their employment, perhaps by chasing after a promotion. When they’re unsuccessful they are angry and frustrated. How do you react? You might be tempted to suggest if they’d applied themselves a bit more you wouldn’t be having this conversation. By all means, think that, but don’t even consider telling them as much. Unleashing such unsupportive comments when they are at a low ebb will be damaging. You will come across as heartless and mean at a time when they would hope to be able to turn to you for unconditional support.

Attractive friends

Your partner might have a friend you find yourself drawn to. Unless you are going to joke about this with your other half, this should fall into the category of secrets to keep. Do you really think you should be telling your other half about a scenario where they could lose both their lover and a close friend?