Divorce by international couples
by Md Hossain web researcherDivorce by
international couples
First published in Tokyo Families - Sept 7th 2013
By Douglas Berger, Psychiatrist Tokyo, Japan
Japan’s Health, Labour & Welfare
Ministry’s latest statistics reveal a continuing decline in the number of divorce
by international couples. While this may be a good thing, couples going
through one may find themselves in emotionally charged situations.
We asked Dr. Douglas
Berger Psychiatrist Tokyo of Meguro Counseling Center what he
can tell us about divorce for international couples from a counseling center’s
perspective.
Dr. Douglas Berger:
Divorce for international couples in Japan can be
relatively easy and hassle free, or it can be rife with numerous problems, some
familiar to any divorcing couple, and some hard for the non-Japanese side to
reconcile with the usual concepts of fairness in a broken family.
From a counseling perspective, we usually try to
keep families together or at least give the couple a chance to understand and
help themselves, sometimes requiring one partner to accept and/or treat
depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, and other psychiatric
problems. There is usually an underlying cause of arguments that spiral out of
control, and this may often be due to power struggles or stubbornness with
neither party willing to give in. Not infrequently cases of infidelity, usually
on the husband’s part but sometimes on the wife’s side, are a deal breaker. In
these cases, we try to curb further infidelity while we counsel the other
spouse to decrease their resentments and have some acceptance of human nature
in order to keep the family together.
When attempts at reconciliation fail, the couple
may decide on divorce. Some couples or spouses come to therapy with divorce
already in progress. In Japan, the terms of divorce may be “consensual” or
mutually agreed, or go to an arbitration council (arbitrations may also be
requested by the couple just to confirm the consensual divorce is fair).
Arbitration is a non-binding meeting with persons related to, but outside the
family court, and includes lay persons and persons who may have some background
in social welfare. Naturally, you must be a Japanese citizen to be on the
council and the meetings are conducted in Japanese.
The arbitration council will usually explore the
possibility that the couple can reconcile or at least agree to a consensual
divorce, they also want to keep couples from going to family court to reduce
the case burden on the courts. Most couples who go to arbitration are already
stuck and arbitration does little to get them unglued. Arbitration may also
take many months and many meetings, often causing ongoing frustration and huge
amounts of time spent resulting in few concrete agreements, and possibly no
child visitation during this time if there is a custody issue. The foreign
spouse may find that arbitration is not considering their needs fairly when it
comes to ideas on custody or visitation of children.
When arbitration fails to get an agreement, the
next step is family court. Assets achieved after marriage are usually split
down the middle, except for rare instances custody is invariably given to the
Japanese spouse no matter what the situation (the Japanese wife or the Japanese
husband’s parents are the usual caretakers of the children), and visitation is
commonly allotted to the non-Japanese parent at one hour, once a month, under
supervision of the parent with custody, and assuming they have paid child
support. These minor visitation rights are often a shock for the parent without
parental rights. The spouse with custody can just claim the child is not
feeling well or that they are busy and skip a visitation, or every visitation
for years even so that the family court’s decision on allowing this even minor
visitation has no teeth to it in actuality. The child’s school does not often
allow the non-custodial parent onto school grounds during special events (or
any time), and many parents become despondent. On the opposite side, the family
court has blunt teeth when it comes to enforce splitting of assets or child
support, and spouses attempting to collect funds need to go to the Civil Enforcement
Center and undertake further court procedures if the other spouse does not pay.
It may still be difficult to collect funds if the spouse holding funds is
recalcitrant, and non payment is a civil matter not a criminal matter.
Some foreign spouses go thru the legal system and
garner some value from this. Most find the time, effort, and emotional burden
was overwhelming compared to the frustrating outcome. Many continue to pay
various forms of support hoping the system will be fair, however, favorable
outcomes in the end really depend on both spouses’ ability to be reasonable,
not the family court’s decisions. Legal counsel is naturally limited in many
ways because lawyers must follow the rules allowed by the court system
regardless of the likelihood of the court to be fair from all perspectives.
Sometimes out-of-court creative strategies regarding financial or social
negotiations may have more value, or at least no negative value, than going
thru the court system which is often reported to have negative value by many
non-Japanese spouses.
Be sure to note that this article does not
purport to be an exhaustive discussion on divorce in Japan, and it is certain
that various opinions and experiences exist so that we do not claim that the
information in this article is or has been correct for everyone. While a Japan
barred lawyer is necessary for all legal advice, a counselor or life coach
familiar with divorce and the social system in Japan may be of help to
brainstorm on creative strategies that they know have worked for others.
The discussions herein are meant as general
information and advice only. Each person needs to make their own personal life
decisions and to contact a mental health professional for consultation if
deemed appropriate.
Dr. Berger and his staff at the Meguro
Counseling Center in the Shibuya-Ebisu area provide mental health care for
individuals, couples, and families, in both English and Japanese.
www.megurocounseling.com
For more information about Douglas Berger Psychiatrist Tokyo visit the following
websites:
douglasbergerpsychiatristtokyo.com/
www.dorispharmaceuticals.com/doug-berger-tokyo.html
https://www.japanpsychiatrist.com/
Douglas-Berger-Psychiatrist-Tokyo-Reviews.com
About-Douglas-Berger-Psychiatrist-Tokyo.com/
Douglas-Berger-Psychiatrist-Tokyo-Info.com/
Douglas-Berger-Psychiatrist-Tokyo.com/
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