I had just started taking college courses dealing with grief support and care. Using an approach of friend to friend, going outside the box and most counseling, reaching to really KNOW the inside of a person, to LISTEN, to CARE, to sit face to face. It is an approach that makes you first look inside yourself, look at your mess, your attitudes, what do I think when someone shares with me? Am I really listening to them or am I thinking of other things? Do I just want to fix or solve their problem or am I going for what is inside of them, taking a walk along side them, joining in their pain and the two of us, together, searching for answers or solutions. Can I grasp that some things cannot be "fixed", that the pain will always be there, all we can learn to do is face it, straight on and journey through the process of healing.
There are steps that HAVE to be taken or you won't heal and if you get trapped in one of the steps, you will remain depressed, grief will rule your life. We search for an explanation as to why but we need to remember sometimes there is no why. It is because it is. That fact is hard to take for some people and very hard for almost everyone in the beginning.
We also need to remember that no-one feels the same about what they are going through, even though you might have gone through the exact same thing. We are individuals, have different beliefs, life experiences, we feel different. If you tell me you are grieving because you just lost your child, I could say, " I know how you feel, I have gone through the same thing" But, that is not completely true. I don't know how YOU feel, I understand the basics having just lost my daughter, but my lost is my lost, yours is yours. We can connect and share and begin to understand how each one of us deals with our loss, that is where the healing begins.
To become someone who can take this journey with others, to be able to open yourself up and show your mess inside takes someone who is able to open their hearts and souls to others, someone who might be afraid of the pain of sharing with another, but still reach out their hand. You need to learn first and most important, to me, the skill of listening. To really listen. To put your full focus on what is being said, not judging, not fixing the issue, not putting in your two-cents, nor giving out responses that are boxed. You need to stand beside, not in front to lead, not behind to push, but beside, to walk along the path with that person and to unconditionally love and care enough to feel their pain, to cry their tears, to hurt with them and then both of you can move towards healing.
I hope that I can become someone who is able to be that kind of person, afraid of being hurt but not so afraid I won't take that first step. A true friend who shares with another, my goal, my dream, my healing.
There are steps that HAVE to be taken or you won't heal and if you get trapped in one of the steps, you will remain depressed, grief will rule your life. We search for an explanation as to why but we need to remember sometimes there is no why. It is because it is. That fact is hard to take for some people and very hard for almost everyone in the beginning.
We also need to remember that no-one feels the same about what they are going through, even though you might have gone through the exact same thing. We are individuals, have different beliefs, life experiences, we feel different. If you tell me you are grieving because you just lost your child, I could say, " I know how you feel, I have gone through the same thing" But, that is not completely true. I don't know how YOU feel, I understand the basics having just lost my daughter, but my lost is my lost, yours is yours. We can connect and share and begin to understand how each one of us deals with our loss, that is where the healing begins.
To become someone who can take this journey with others, to be able to open yourself up and show your mess inside takes someone who is able to open their hearts and souls to others, someone who might be afraid of the pain of sharing with another, but still reach out their hand. You need to learn first and most important, to me, the skill of listening. To really listen. To put your full focus on what is being said, not judging, not fixing the issue, not putting in your two-cents, nor giving out responses that are boxed. You need to stand beside, not in front to lead, not behind to push, but beside, to walk along the path with that person and to unconditionally love and care enough to feel their pain, to cry their tears, to hurt with them and then both of you can move towards healing.
I hope that I can become someone who is able to be that kind of person, afraid of being hurt but not so afraid I won't take that first step. A true friend who shares with another, my goal, my dream, my healing.
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