By Michael Oliver
Natural Selling

“I know you believe you understand what you think I said, however I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!”

Have you ever considered that even one word can have a profoundly different meaning to what it can mean to you, and what it might mean to another person? We all use the same words to communicate facts, and yet the meaning behind the words can be unique!

For example, let’s consider the word “grape”.
If your experience of a grape consists solely from having eaten an unripe grape that is small, hard and bitter, you could tell me that the taste of grapes is awful! And you would be right! That is your experience.

If my experience is one of having eaten a ripened juicy grape that is ready to burst open with its sweet juices, I could say I know what it tastes like, and that it tastes great! I would be right too!

Same fruit, different experience!

Now, if I find out you don’t like grapes, and, without finding why, I tell you or attempt to persuade you that grapes are not what you think they are, you’d probably be offended, resist me and defend your position, because you know that what I’m saying is not true – for you!

So what does this mean to you and your business?

This is no different than treating your potential partners and customers responses, comments or questions as “objections”.

Using objection-handling techniques is an attempt to persuade others to look at something based on your point of view, or experience. Using these techniques increases resistance. Because it doesn’t matter which way you look at it, you’re telling people they’re wrong!

So what to do about it?

Let’s go back to the grape!

If I acknowledge and accept what you say, and ask you why you think grapes are awful; I will discover, discuss and hear about YOUR EXPERIENCE!

Realizing your experience is different from mine, I can later ask if you’re open to experiencing something possibly different that could make a difference for you. If you are, then I can suggest you might want to try another type of grape with me!

That way, you are more likely to do so because you sub-consciously felt I was making an effort to understand where you were coming from and not badgering you by telling you, you were wrong.

My being open allows you to reflect the same thing. It opens the door to discussing potential possibilities. We both grow from the experience

The practice of clarifying what someone means by asking a question is particularly useful when addressing a concern that your potential partner may have. I cover this in more detail in my coaching program called “How To Have Fearless Conversations…“

You can also use this throughout your dialogues. You might want to make it your practice to ask a question (“What do you mean by that?”) rather than make a statement of your own whenever it’s sensible to do so. I think you’ll be surprised at what people will tell you.

Here are some more questions you can use…

What happened for you to experience that?

Really? I’m curious… When did that happen?

How did you discover that?

Why do you say that?

Many people mean something quite different than what you think they said! So take the guessing out of it – and don’t take words or phrases at face value! Your relationships and your success will take huge steps forward.

In the words of Eugene Ionesco: “It isn’t what people think that’s important, but the reason they think what they think.”

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