White women black men dating: Dealing with inappropriate behavior

Most people are hesitant to try out interracial dating, because they are afraid of the racism and social pressure that are unfortunately still very real things in many societies. What happens though, when it is not your friends, family or social environment that make an offensive comment, but your own date? How should you deal with your date talking in a disrespectful way to your parents or treating your friends in a not-so-friendly way?

 

If you decide to date white women or black men, you need to be prepared not only to protect them from judgmental people, but also to protect others from them. We all behave inappropriately at times and we often do not even realize it. Mentioning to your date that their behavior crossed the line and pushed the wrong buttons is not aggressive. It is a way to help them become a better person and have healthier relationships with the people that matter to you. Especially in the case of interracial and multicultural relationships, eighty percent of the time inappropriate behavior is a result of ignorance, misunderstandings and even language barriers. So, how can you deal with it?

 

Prevention

Prevention is the best cure. If you know that there are obvious cultural differences between your date and your family, prepare both sides for them. If, for example, you come from a conservative, religious environment and your girlfriend is an atheist who has been living on her own since she was 18 and had her fair share of experimentation with alcohol and drugs, we predict drama. Before your date meets your family, tell her that this is not the time to discuss her opinion that God is a fictional character. Explain to her that this will not come across as a constructive discussion, but as offensive. If she still chooses to be confrontational and aggressive, presenting her beliefs as better than yours or your family's, she might not be worth it.

 

Constructive criticism

White women looking for black men often try to show how non-racist they are and as a result they come across the exact opposite way. For example, if your white girlfriend meets your black friends and she spends the whole night explaining to them how she “does not see color”, she is bound to infuriate them. On the other hand, if you date black men and your date starts talking to your friends about “white privileges”, they won't be too happy either. Even if your date has the best of intentions and wants to share their thoughts, in order to brake the ice with your friends, they might end up saying all the wrong things. Instead of sulking and just being mad at them, explain in a calm tone what was wrong with what they said or did. This is the only way to help them understand their mistake and not repeat it. They cannot guess what upset you, if you don't tell them.

 

Be patient

Some times, even though you have made it clear what things are unacceptable for your race and/or culture, your date might have a slip-up or two. Point it out discretely, but do not mock them in public and give them some time to learn. You probably make similar inappropriate comments all the time too!