What to do if you are an Enabler?

by Sam Walton Sr. Business Analyst

If you have heard about addiction, you may be aware of Co-dependency. Do you know what it means?

Co-dependency is defined as a group of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors exhibited by loved ones of an addict that are used as coping mechanisms in response to emotional pain.

While loved ones unknowingly develop these behaviors to cope with the pain they feel, these behaviors cause more harm than good.

The most harmful codependent behavior is enabling.

Enabling is often confused with supportive behavior, and it could be difficult to understand the difference.

An enabler is a person whose behaviors allow the addict to continue using without experiencing the full consequences of their actions. Anyone can be an enabler – a parent, a sibling, a child, a partner or even a friend. An enabler usually tries to react in the best way possible, but it ends up being harmful to themselves as well as the addicted individual.

Examples of enabling behaviors include –

Taking responsibility for their addicted loved one’s behavior
Covering things up or lying to protect their addicted loved from the consequences of their actions
Trying to solve their addicted loved one’s financial, legal, or interpersonal problems for them
Allowing their addicted loved one to use their time or resources, such as money
Neglecting personal needs while caring for their loved one

There are many reasons people act as enablers, such as –

Love – They think loving someone means doing anything for them
Apathy – They have been an enabler for so long that they don’t know what else to do.
Fear – They are if they stop enabling, their loved one would leave or die.
They need to feel in control of an out-of-control situation.

How to Stop Enabling?

If a loved one is struggling with addiction, they need healthy support from you. Here are some tips if you have been in a codependent relationship with a person who is using or addicted to a substance –

Remove yourself from the issues involving the person’s addiction. Let them know that you love them and will support them, but you can’t help them use drugs or alcohol, any longer.
Set boundaries and adhere to them. If you tell them that you wouldn’t lend them money for the drug or alcohol, stick to it. Once your loved one realizes you are serious, they will begin to think about change.
Know where you stand. Seek advice and support to understand how other families approach recovery.
Set small goals and take it one day at a time.
Maintain your own physical, mental, and spiritual health. Do not ignore your own needs.

Whether or not you are an enabler, if your loved one has a substance abuse problem, help the get professional help right away.

To learn more, call one of the most trusted medical detox and drug treatment centers in San Diego, Pacific Bay Recovery at 858-263-9700 Today. Pacific Bay Recovery offers both inpatient and intensive outpatient treatment in San Diego.