The gender war should be over...

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It is common to hear that boys and girls are naturally/genetically different in their disposition. Boys are rambunctious and physical; girls are calm and capable of controlling themselves. We’re not convinced that these are natural or genetic tendencies since we often see parents, educators, and other adults that fail to realize their own expectations shape the way children are treated and ultimately how they behave. Everyone ends up reinforcing stereotypes in ways that they don’t realize.

Consider the following scene:

At a holiday party, there are two toddlers playing around the rest of the family. They are both dressed in their holiday finest; he in a dress shirt and tie, she in a pretty dress. The young boy is running around, climbing on and jumping off the furniture. He is sweaty from his exertions and grinning. The adults are mostly amused by his playful energy and more than one person comments that he is “such a boy.” Translation: It is totally natural for a boy to be active and energetic.

When the young girl decides to join in, she is immediately reminded that she is in a dress and needs to act like a nice young lady. Translation: Nice young ladies must be in control of themselves and remain calm. She stops running around when she is reprimanded but as soon as the adults become preoccupied with something else, she starts running around with the little boy again. Her mother immediately calls her over and reminds her that she needs to stop “horsing around” or she will have to change out of her pretty dress. By three years old, the adults were consistently reinforcing that boys are supposed to be physical and girls are supposed to be pretty.

Each child hears the messages that are directed specifically to their sex, but they also hear the messages sent to the opposite sex. The boy may consider being calm and still as specifically what girls do. When he is asked to be calm or still he may think he is being told to behave like a girl. Similarly, when a girl runs around and gets sweaty, she may feel like she is acting like a boy or perceive other girls that run and sweat as “boys.”

Before you leave thinking the boys end up with carefree lives and the girls end up suffering from being constantly controlled…

Let’s fast forward a year or two:

These same two children are entering a school environment where the expectation (set largely by female educators) is for the students to sit still and stay focused on their work for much of the day. The experiences of the girls in the very formative years from birth to four years old have helped them develop the self-discipline required to handle the expectations in this environment.

These same two children are entering a school environment where the expectation (set largely by female educators) is for the students to sit still and stay focused on their work for much of the day. The experiences of the girls in the very formative years from birth to four years old have helped them develop the self-discipline required to handle the expectations in this environment.

However, those same early years for many of the boys have not been filled with the expectation that they be able to control themselves. If even half of the boys in this classroom have trouble with self-control, it would be easy for the teachers and aides to come to the conclusion that boys are naturally or genetically incapable of behaving in the classroom. Some boys will struggle to meet these expectations and develop a “reputation” or “record of offenses” that will have repercussions throughout their lives.

The long term effect for women is that they may see their primary value as being physically attractive. They are given praise for looking good and being calm. Over time, they may tend to avoid “rocking the boat” with their own ideas or feelings about things at work or in relationships.

There is a simple solution to this situation that benefits both boys and girls.The adults in their lives can be consistent about their expectations and responses to both boys and girls. “What is good for the goose is good for the gander.” When it is appropriate to let our kids run and play and be physical, it shouldn’t matter whether they are boys or girls. When the situation calls for more self-control, we can expect both sexes to be capable of behaving. This will help girls to explore life, take risks, and be carefree at times and help boys calm down and pay attention when needed.

The adults in their liv

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Created on Jun 13th 2020 02:57. Viewed 239 times.

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