Thank goodness Theresa May doesn’t have children, says CAMILLA TOMINEY

The consensus among those who know their forceps from their fontanelles was that the subject of fertility was about as relevant to the Conservative leadership race as baby brain massage. I’m not so sure.

Having had to juggle David ­Cameron’s final PMQs with the unique horror of an after-school clubs clash last week (cue the desperate WhatsApp-ing of fellow mothers from the parliamentary press gallery), I’m secretly relieved Mrs May won’t be suffering from such distractions as she negotiates the small matter of Britain’s exit from the European Union, and other important stuff like the future of our nuclear deterrent and which shoes to wear to the Conservative Party Conference. 

I mean, there’s a time and a place for children but it isn’t a) in first class aircraft cabins, b) at weddings involving chocolate fountains or c) in Downing Street during the summer holidays when we’re in the middle of an unprecedented constitutional crisis. 

I know it’s not what the militant matriarchy wants to hear but in the current climate I’d rather our Prime Minister wasn’t troubled by things such as summer holiday activity “bingo” and Roald Dahl reading challenges. Trust me, it’s not easy to fully concentrate on work when you’re worried your little darling might not finish Esio Trot by September, let alone “make a mud pie” or construct a famous landmark out of drinking straws. 

Here’s a summer holiday homework activity, kids: stop telling me you’re bored and go play in the garden. BINGO! 

I know Margaret Thatcher managed to be prime minister with twins but they were 25 by the time she reached No10 and then look what happened. When Mark wasn’t too busy getting lost in the Sahara desert, he was staging an attempted military coup in Equatorial Guinea which resulted in his “best friend” spending five years in prison. 

Carol, meanwhile, appeared not to have grown out of Enid Blyton when she referred to a black tennis player as a “golliwog”, ending her broadcasting career in 2009. I guess that’s what happens when Mummy’s too busy to read you bedtime stories. 

Carol later said: “Nobody will ever know me for being anything other than Margaret Thatcher’s daughter so, at the end of the day, whatever I did was never good enough” – hardly a ringing endorsement for “having it all”. 

Another thing the Iron Lady sacrificed, of course, was sleep. Although she wore her famous four-hours-a-night as a badge of almost superhuman strength, I think we can all safely conclude that it may have led to some poor decision-making on her part, particularly towards the end. 

Even sleep-deprived Churchill took afternoon naps in his pyjamas during the Second World War but then, being male, he was able to. 

In my experience, working mothers don’t really do “napping”. They’re too busy being the de facto go-to parent, and that’s the other problem with combining running the country with motherhood. It doesn’t matter how “supportive” your husband is, he’s still never going to be the one making the dental appointments, buying the birthday cards or applying the nit ointment. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love fathers, but have you ever known of one able to locate the wrapping paper, Sellotape and scissors, let alone all at the same time? 

And before anyone starts trying to burn my bra while I’m still wearing it, I’m not saying that a working mother can’t be prime minister – far from it. But Mrs May’s childlessness certainly doesn’t put her at any disadvantage. On the contrary, it’s probably preferable that the only tantrums she has to deal with in the coming months will be European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker’s.

JENNIFER Aniston has been ridiculed for lambasting the “objectification” of women having traded on her body throughout her career. 

I’m not sure that’s fair. 

A woman can flaunt her opinions as well as her looks, can’t she? The former Friends star was simply trying to make the point that it is wrong to be deemed either “pregnant” or “fat” if you happen to be photographed on the beach not resembling someone out of Baywatch. Aniston is clearly “fed up” in both senses of the phrase and looks all the better for it.

AS Theresa May was doing her bit for the sisterhood in Downing Street, another unlikely women’s champion emerged last week. The Duchess of Cornwall delivered a ground-breaking speech on domestic violence in which she urged society to “pull back the shroud of silence”.

Camilla, who turns 69 today, spoke movingly about the secret “shame” felt by abuse victims and urged the nation to “talk about what is happening behind closed doors”. 

Domestic violence is the latest in a series of thorny issues the Duchess has tackled. In 2014, she backed credit unions as an alternative to payday loans while last year she launched a crusade against rape and sexual assault. Well, it certainly beats planting trees and unveiling plaques. 

The royal once dubbed as “the laziest woman to have been born in England in the 20th century” has gone from being the “Duchess of Dolittle” to the “Queen of Dogooding”. 

HOW ironic that the harbingers of post-Brexit economic doom should now be the ones calling for another general election. Because of course that’s just what the volatile markets need: more uncertainty and instability. How on earth can Liberal Democrat leader Tim Farron credibly claim to be either a “liberal” or a “democrat” while calling for a second referendum? The people have spoken, mate. Try listening, and your party might not face total annihilation. 

How conveniently these bleeding heart liberals forget that if it wasn’t for so-called “fascist” Right-wingers like Nigel Farage, voters, including the few “remaining” Lib Dems (big “R” and little “r”) wouldn’t have had a democratic say at all. 

LIDL’S new £3.75 school uniform is likely to be snapped up by savvy parents sick of being fleeced by “official” retailers charging exorbitant sums for blazers, blouses and book bags. 

It comes after Government watchdog the Competitions And Markets Authority found it can cost a family more than £500 to kit out two children. My children’s uniform isn’t generic so I can’t buy it at the supermarket but I do save hundreds of pounds every year using hand-me-down schemes set up by fellow parents. 

There’s nothing worse than buying new only for it to be ink-stained by the end of the first week back at school... except perhaps when school clothing ends up in that never-to be-seen-again black hole known as “lost property”. 

ONLINE reaction of the week goes to the friend who watched Prince Harry take an HIV test on Facebook Live and posted: “Even when sitting in an STD clinic, he’s still gorgeous.”