Integrating Two Separate Households into One

by Elli Davis Real Estate Agent

This article offers a few tips on how to integrate two people's lives and belongings and how to move from two separate homes to one.

I know that I don't have to stress how serious a decision this is. Still, some people who are in love imagine this process as way too easy. I don't want to scare you or make you regret your decision, but quite the opposite — it's better to prepare yourself for things not going smoothly rather than letting reality crush your expectations. With proper planning and mutual understanding, integrating two people's belongings from two homes into one home shouldn't be a a big problem. In the end, it's all about you and your partner and how well you two know each other.

Like all decisions, the key to success here is planning beforehand. Take a look at what you both have already and then assess how you both imagine your new home and which direction you want to head in over the next few months or years. Unless your new home is enormous or you live very ascetic lives, there's no way you'll be able to use everything you both own. You'll have to reduce. Some things are easier to filter out than others. When it comes to kitchen or bathroom appliances, the newer and better (in the case of your fridge, also the bigger) units always take precedence. Don't forget that most us are on a budget when we move, so save your wallet by using what you already have. Plus you can sell some spare furniture to a used furniture store. Whatever you choose to keep, try to make sure it all looks good together. If you have a lovely, old-fashioned four-post bed and your partner has a modern dressing table, they likely won't look good in the same space.

Both of you should have equal say in designing the property — from your choice of wall paint to furniture placement. You should at least share the responsibility unless your partner puts it all on your shoulders (which is bad not only because you have to do all the work yourself, but also because your partner may not be satisfied with the result — even if it's his fault for not participating). On the other hand, if your partner's active, it's important to find a compromise. Compromise is the cornerstone of every relationship, and you'll find it especially important when you're living together. This is easiest when your tastes are along the same lines. But even if your tastes differ, just because you don't appreciate a piece your partner loves, you can't just throw it away. The process of integrating two different personalities through their belongings to create a unique household may be demanding, but it's also rewarding. When you're living with somebody under one roof, the place will never be completely furnished according to your own taste.

Timing is important. Be practical. You won't need two kitchen tables, two fridges, two microwaves, or two double beds. Get rid of the things that aren't moving with you in advance. That way. you won't have to pack your things, take them to the new place, and unpack them all only to give them away later. I know that sometimes it's hard to give away things that bring back memories, but you have to be practical about your furniture. The sooner you get rid of the clutter, the better. At the end of the day, taking care of this in advance will save you time and could actually save you money as well, since you don't have to pay to move unwanted pieces. Plus, if you sell them, you could cover some moving expenses. In my experience of selling Toronto condos, people often cling to unimportant things that will only take up space in their new home.

To get rid of the unimportant stuff, the best thing you can do is check each room properly and write down everything you have in there. Ask your partner to do the same. Sometimes just looking at the items makes the decision for you. The only reason to save duplicate pieces is when you plan to have (or are already expecting) a child. But even so, you might not use some of the stuff you want to save for a couple years, and after some time, you might prefer to buy something new. So decide carefully. The last thing you want is a new home filled with stuff you're not using and no breathing space.