How to kindle that all-important ‘spark’

by David Elmers Student

Is this scenario familiar? You enjoy the first date. At that crucial point where you head for the taxi tank and wonder if you should suggest sharing, you hear the words: ‘Thanks, this was fun, but I just didn’t feel a spark.’

This can be devastating, especially if you felt a connection and thought a second date was on the cards. But let’s face it. Arranging the date is the easy part, whether you’ve been introduced through friends, you hooked-up in a bar, or you prefer using online matchmaking resources like NaughtyDate. Once you get together it’s up to you to pull out all the stops and ensure there most definitely is a spark. So what exactly is this mythical spark?

Definitions

This ‘spark’ might seem a vague concept but its presence or absence will determine whether your first date will lead to a second. It could best be described as that fusion of excitement and butterflies in the tummy that keeps your partner hooked on your conversation because she’s into you. If the spark is there, she’ll already be eager to spill the beans to her mates. When she slinks off for a break to the powder room you can bet your bottom dollar she’ll be itching to dig out her mobile phone and share her enthusiasm. And surely one of the most important aspects of this spark: she’ll be anticipating what it’s going to be like when the opportunity arises for you to get intimate. The spark is what separates the potential lover from those words most dreaded at the end of a first date: ‘I think we should be friends.’

How do you know the spark isn’t there?

Your first date will be an occasion she has anticipated for some time. In the initial stages, she may well seem eager to connect. But if her mood gradually ebbs until she looks as if she’d rather be somewhere else, you need to up your game. One basic cause is down to physical attraction. If you use a profile photograph that depicts a version of you from ten years (and a couple of stones) ago, it’s only natural she is going to be disappointed when confronted with the reality.

Never approach a date as if you’re getting to know a mate better. Anyone can do small talk, or appear to be kind and have a collection of funny anecdotes. But she will have a friend circle who already serve that purpose. It’s all about her finding you sexually attractive.

How can you tell the spark is there?

One surefire indication the spark is there is if there’s a lot of eye contact. Also, do you get the impression she’s hanging on your every word? This means reacting to your stories. Does she smile a lot, or better still, laugh heartily at your jokes? Is she being tactile during your chat, emphasizing points by touching you? If she strokes her own hair playfully she may well be transmitting subliminal messages about wanting you to do the same later, and not just to her hair.

The conversation will also reveal whether she is sensing a spark between you. If it keeps centering on what she did at work that day or bland questions about where you bought your shirt, alarm bells should ring. But if the chat is bubbling along, with both of you contributing equally, that’s terrific. If you are totally at ease with injecting stories with flirty remarks, as opposed to feeling awkward when dropping-in innuendos, then the spark is not only there, it is burning brightly.