From One New Mom to Another
by Zealous Baby Care Zealous Baby Care ServicesThe best advice I was
given about preparing a birth plan was to throw the plan out the window once
labour begins. You can’t predict what will happen and feeling stressed when
things don’t go exactly how you’d expected is the last thing you need at that
time. There are a few things worth contemplating and preparing for though.
Here’s my quick list:
- In addition to your doctor or
midwife plan to have someone with you when in labour who has either had a
baby themselves or has been present at a birth before. Perhaps a relative
or a doula. My husband and I had decided we didn’t want anyone present in
the room other than the midwives but when things got real, and the
midwives were busy doing their jobs, it would have been great to have had
someone else present who wasn’t phased by events and could have provided
unwavering emotional support. We will definitely be hiring a doula next
time around.
- You may have strong feelings
about pain management, surgery, and/or breastfeeding but things don’t
always go according to plan. Hopefully they will but it doesn’t hurt to be
prepared just in case. I’d suggest spending a bit of time thinking about
how you might feel, and what you might need, if you weren’t planning on
having an epidural but change your mind in the moment, weren’t planning on
a cesarean but end up requiring one, were planning a cesarean but baby
comes quickly, and/or were planning on breastfeeding but aren’t able to
once baby comes (what pump will you need, which bottles do you plan to
get, what formulas are available to you). Taking some time to plan for
these events before going into labour can save you a ton of anxiety if
things don’t go as you’d hoped.
- After baby/babies arrive you
will need support. Supermom is a wickedly unfair and unrealistic
archetype. We are tribal creatures and need the support of our community.
You will need people who will show up for you without being asked in those
first weeks and months. Talk to your family and/or friends in advance
about what you might need (people to bring food or come over and cook for
you, people to help out with laundry and cleaning in those first few
weeks, people to watch your little one/ones while you rest or take a bath,
someone to do the grocery shopping, etc).
- If you don’t have anyone
available to assist once baby arrives, or if you do but want extra
support, and can afford to hire help there is no shame in doing so. Hiring
people to help you adjust to your new life does not mean you aren’t good
enough or not capable of being a good parent. We were never intended to
raise children on our own. We used to live in community with our parents,
grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, in-laws, etc. nearby for
good reason. The old saying, “It takes a village” exists for a reason.
Exhaustion can take a very real and very serious toll. If you think you
might want a postpartum doula, night nurse, daytime or live-in nanny,
housekeeper to help with cleaning and laundry, meal or grocery service,
dog walker, etc., I’d recommend finding one you connect with in advance.
Trying to find and interview someone in the immediate postpartum is a
headache you don’t need.
- Talk to other parents about
what worked for them and what didn’t. Even if you decide to do things
differently it will give you ideas for backup plans.
- If you are stressed and
experiencing a different reality than the one you’d expected in the
postpartum, or are struggling with baby blues or postpartum depression,
know that you are absolutely not alone, that it is so normal (a cruel
trick of Mother Nature but normal nonetheless), and that there is help.
Reach out to family, friends, and healthcare providers. You’ll be amazed
at how other parents open up about their own experiences once they know
it’s safe to do so with another person experiencing similar difficulties.
You’ll also be surprised at the amount of support available to new parents
in the healthcare system (Women’s College Hospital in Toronto has an
incredible reproductive life stages department). Keep in mind that with
each day that passes, as you and your baby learn and grow together, things
get easier.
All that said,
parenthood is by far the best thing I’ve ever done. When you aren’t exhausted
and have the right supports in place you’ll be able to enjoy the magic of it
all.
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Created on Dec 26th 2018 02:40. Viewed 471 times.
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