Children and Divorce- 5 Tough Issues for Kids

When a couple realizes that their marriage is doomed and the best thing to do at that point s to end it, it may prove to be a wise decision for them. But if that very same couple share children, they will be kidding themselves if they think that a child will take it in stride. The D-word is a big deal for most children, whether they admit it openly or not.  Divorce takes parenting issues to a whole new level. We have brought together a list of 5 tough issues that children deal with, when their parents are getting divorced. Once people understand these 5 major issues, only then can any effort be put into minimizing the ramifications it has on the children.

1.        The D-Word Is Only For Parents

A husband and wife may get divorced, but a mother and father can never get divorced. For the children, dad is always dad and mom is always going to be mom! There are no replacements for parents. Nada. Not only should the parents realize this, but this should be discussed in a heart to heart family conversation. The children need to be reassured that the parents may have nothing to do with each other, but each parent values and treasures the child greatly! Even if a child has to live with one aren’t or divide time between the two, the child has to be reassured that when the need arises, both the parents will have his / her back.

2.       Blame-Game

A child may tend to feel responsible for the parents drifting apart. This has nothing to do with the children whatsoever, but children are fragile and naive and hence may end up believing that it was their innocent mistakes that pulled the parents apart. Children feel guilty and may go into depression and this may negatively influence their health. Parents need to be honest, straightforward and direct in explaining the causes of the marital breakdown to the children. If a child feels guilty and no one realizes it or does anything to soothe the aching heart, this may result in serious phsycal and emotional problems for the child. The guilt will gnaw at the child’s soul.

3.       Gap Filling

Divorce is a tedious and messy process. This suckles out a lot from a family and then empty spaces are created! When children start to feel the vacuum, they may either get stuck in it and turn in to deviant anti-social monsters, or may try to fill the gap with unsavory activities. Either way it will negatively harm the children. Children need to feel that even if a gap does arise, the love and care from both parents are constantly filling it up!

4.      Who to Choose?

Mom or Dad? The big question. Tell your child that there is no question! The parents will always remain the parents! Don’t make a child choose, it won’t be fair!

 

5.       What Will My Friends Say?

For children, it is but natural to think about how people will treat them differently after a life altering event. Parents need to explain that divorce is socially accepted and a very common practice. Parent need to make sure that a child doesn’t lose his self-respect and should have the courage to face the questions and criticism.

These points are very important as they help people generate empathy for a child whose parents are going through a divorce.  A child going through such a major life altering event needs all the support possible.