authoritarian parent

Starting on the right foot – the authoritarian parent

The only thing in life that is common to everyone on this planet regardless of culture, traditions, pigmentation or economic strata, is TIME.  The custom of new years is different to different nations and religions and celebrated at different times of the calendar year. Regardless of which month it falls into or how it is celebrated among the varied cultures and traditions, it marks the closing and the start of a period of time taken from eternity. It therefore gives parents an opportunity to redefine our priorities and also to re-establish some worthwhile goals and make changes were necessary. Whichever goal you set with your children, from potty training to exceling in an exam, it’s important for parents to reflect on their parenting style and to adopt a more effective one which balances maturity and effective disciplinary methods to achieve the ultimate outcome for their children.

Ensuring the best possible outcome for children is dependent on what you have invested your time in so we can’t afford to pass through time and not re-evaluate our parenting style and the impact it’s having on our children in the long or short run. This reminds me of lyrics from my children’s favourite boy band, JLS which says “you only get one shot so make it count because you may never get this moment again”. How true that statement is.   

 Your parenting style simply refers to your method and approach to parenting your child. In the day to day challenges of parenting, we make choices about how to interact and raise our children. You may use the method your parents used in parenting you, or one that you have chosen for yourself. No matter the source of your parenting style, all of these choices translate into a specific style of parenting that forever impact our children.

 

This article will focus on one of the 4 parenting styles which is the authoritarian style. The "Authoritarian Parenting Style" is an extremely strict form of parenting that expects a child to adhere to rules and regulations set out by the parents with little or no input or communication from the child.  

Some of the characteristics of the authoritarian parent include:

1. Harsh, rigid emotional climate that is low in parental responsiveness (the nurturing aspect of the child) and high in parental demandingness (control over the child).

2. Open communication is generally not an option in this type of parenting style.

3. Authoritarian parents feel they are the boss and their children should conform to their demands without question.

4. The rules are expected to be adhered to with no room for negotiation and the consequence of breaking a rule is absolute punishment.

5. Yelling and Spanking of younger children is often resorted to for means of discipline and control over their inappropriate behaviour.

6. High standards of behaviour are expected and extreme value is placed on obedience with an indisputable respect for authority.

7. Generally authoritarian parents are not very emotional or affectionate and are often critical of their children if they fail to meet their expectations.

If you can be honest with yourself to tick a few of the boxes above, it may be a good time to reflect on the impact it would have on the goals you have set for your children. Everyone is on some sort of journey so its ok to be flexible, teachable and adjust strategies accordingly.

Children of authoritarian parents most often than not have these traits listed below.

1. Children rarely learn to think on their own because they are normally pressured to conform to rules without asking why.

2. Some children, depending on the personality and temperament of the child, they could become socially withdrawn or will develop a tendency to act out.

3. Children may be very angry, resentful and frustrated and in some cases they may find it hard to deal with their anger. I have come across parents who reinvent the wheel and take it out on their children.

4. Some children develop a fear of failure and they give excuses why they can’t accomplish a task or they stop trying completely.

Focus on your child

When you become a parent, its not just about you anymore. You have a job and a difficult one at that which requires yiu to focus and do what is best for your child. Your goal should be to raise a confident, happy and healthy child and with that in mind, some decisions aabout parenting may come easier.

Communication

Open communication is a dialogue and not a monologue. Listen as much as you talk. Allow your children to talk to you so invest the time in them until they open up to share their life with you.

Do not spank or hit your child

This might be a bit controversial but studies have shown time and time again that corporal punishment does not work, at least not in the long run. We send a signal to them that people who love them hurt them regardless of our intention. They sometimes end up taking their anger out on the playground or on the spouses or children in future.  

Remember that all aspects of parenting can be tough but finding help doesn’t have to be so don’t be afraid to ask for help.