29 Things That Are Better Than Writing an Essay

1. Watch an entire season of a show you hate

Pick anything that jumped the shark last year

 

2. Watch that cat video on Youtube that keeps wanting to buffer every 2 seconds

Let's be honest, watching that little ring go in circles is more entertaining than actually having to write.

 

3. Give a copy of your internet browsing history to your grandmother

Oh your grandmother is going to be so disappointed, but hey it's better than having to complete that essay

 

4. Be forced to listen to 100's of cats shriek and howl for 2 hours

Compared to hundreds of lectures on what your essay should be on this might sound like a symphonic orchestra

 

5. Smash your laptop with a hammer

Give yourself an excuse to not complete it

 

6. Go to the dentist

Get a root canal, a few fillings, and have your mouth be completely numb for three days.

 

7. Swim in jellyfish infested waters

Honestly, this is probably safer than risking your grade on this assignment.

 

8. Dine at that questionable restaurant

You know the one I'm talking about, it's like that health inspector lives there.

 

9. Be stuck in a full capacity elevator

Crowded, cramped, sweaty, and yet you're happier to be here than at home working on your essay.

 

10. Stare at something for two hours

The wall, a lamp, the sun, it can be anything, and you'll still rather stare at it than finish that assignment.

 

11. Stand in the cold doorway with your dog who can't decide if he wants in or out

You're both miserable, and cold. Why can't that puppy choose?

 

12. Scratch a cat's belly for one minute longer than the cat wants

You know you want to.

13. Tell a toddler “No” and suffer the consequences

It's inevitable, might as well get it over with.

 

14. Listen to a four-year-old tell a joke

Long and rambling, just like your paper as you try to fit in the minimum page requirements

 

15. Walk barefoot on a five-mile path made entirely of legos

Sounds like my nephews bedroom.

 

16. Drink a tall glass of sour milk

Hey if you're sick they might give you an extension period.

 

17. Have a dog bark at you for an hour over nothing

At least, you have a dog to keep you company

 

18. Have your thoughts projected to everyone you know

Yes, every last thought will be projected on a large screen. Scared?

 

19. Have the floor collapse underneath your feet for no reason

There's no termite damage or mold, it just happens, and you have no idea why. A lot more interesting than all-day handwriting, right?

 

20. Flood your house

Get that hose out and just turn it on.

 

21. Crawl through the tubes of a McDonalds Play Place.

Cramped and uncomfortable, it's not as fun as it was when you were a kid.

 

22. Listen to relationship advice from your aunt who's been divorced five times

They think they know best, but let's be honest the advice they give you is probably the exact opposite of what you should do.

 

23. Let your grandmother choose your outfit for a week.

Sailor suits anybody?

 

24. Be on the phone with an automated voice system

It won't stop listening, and it won't stop thinking you said the wrong thing.

 

25. Take a road trip through Arizona with someone who prefers “natural” body odor to deodorant.

Rolling down the window makes it worse.

 

26. Let Peggy Hill be your translator on a trip to Mexico

This is probably a one-way ticket to a slap in the face.

 

27. Listen to another horrible remix for a song that doesn't need one

Why does anything sung by Ariana Grande need to be remixed in any way what so ever?

 

28. Drink cheap and horrible beer because it's ironic

Ugh. The exact sound you will make after one sip.

 

29. Make a list of things you would rather do than write that essay of yours.