25 Witty Quotes by Famous People

This is the best collection of Famous Funny and Witty Quotes 1) Hear no evil, speak no evil - and you'll never be invited to a party. - Oscar Wilde

2) In a real estate man's eye, the most expensive part of the city is where he has a house to sell. - Will Rogers

3) I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein

4) What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages they would have burned me. Now they are content with burning my books. - Sigmund Freud

5) Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one. - H. L. Mencken

6) People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. - George Carlin

7) Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with. - George Carlin

8) When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. - George Carlin

9) I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. - Oscar Wilde

10) The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

11) What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. - Dave Barry

12) The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. - Friedrich Nietzsche

13) So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

14) War does not determine who is right - only who is left. - Bertrand Russell

15) My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

16) War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands. - H. L. Mencken

17) Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. - Bill Gates

18) Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake. - Elbert Hubbard

19) I don't like compliments, and I don't see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn't mean. - Oscar Wilde

20) I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are our hope for the future, and some day, when my generation retires, they will have to pay us trillions of dollars in social security. - Dave Barry

21) Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. - Ambrose Bierce

22) If you want to eat well in England, eat three breakfasts. - W. Somerset Maugham

23) Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit out of it. - W. Somerset Maugham

24) There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. - W. Somerset Maugham

25) Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. - Ambrose Bierce Read More Famous Quotes about Love Quotes, Success Quotes , Life Quotes and more at our Website.