The Moose Adventures of Clarence Willoughby
My name is Clarence Willoughby Moose, and I have stories to tell. Have I ever!! You know, sitting around in the woods all day can sometimes be lonely and boring. When a moose such as myself gets a chance to talk, well he doesn’t just let that opportunity go by. So … come nice and close, and I’ll be glad to let you in on a bit of my exciting (?) life.
Well, I don’t know if you realize that moose are great camouflage artists. Did you know? Uh, uh? Well they are the greatest, if you don’t mind my boasting. I can stand in the woods right outside your house ,and unless I let you, you will not be able to see me even if you overstrain your eyeballs, all day.
Well, one lovely spring morning, my three dearest deer friends and I were quietly listening in on the neighbourhood conversations when we heard about a neighbourhood block party. Oh, sooo exciting. We could hardly wait for the day to arrive! Finally one afternoon we saw tables being loaded with all kinds of picnic goodies, pies, cake, chicken, salads, rolls- wow!! Then one of my deer friends became very excited. I thought she must have partaken of too much maple sap and was on a big sugar rush, but no, she was pointing to some cans on a table. Look, it’s you! She said. And bet my britches—there I was! This party must be in my honour with my mug plastered around like that. Who could have known? We were so excited we couldn’t wait to try this brew. Moose Head? In we went, drinking thirstily and mightily. In fact we went through every can!!. Suddenly I felt woozy and my tummy began to hurt. My intestines started to rumble.
Just then people poured into the yard following some pipsqueak who had seen us and ratted us out They were screaming and began to chase us with brooms and rakes, chairs, even. We all started running hither and yon, overturning tables, knocking down fences. What a mess. As I was running through a few vegetable gardens, my stomach let loose. Talk about Moose Droppings!! You never saw the like!! All over those gardens from side to side and back to front. Hardly a place was missed. The screaming became louder and I heard talk of rifles so we all split .For a few days we made sure we were not seen in that area. Finally after two weeks we sneaked back to see if all was forgiven. To our surprise, all we could hear was talk of the marvellous, magical moose. What had brought all this on? Apparently my Moose Droppings had worked wonders in the gardens, and vegetables had grown early and huge. Plus they tasted wonderfully of maple (probably due to my imbibing of the lovely maple sap.)
Now they wanted us around-Who would have thunk it? They wanted more of those marvellous Moose Droppings. All day long in the woods we heard moose calls far and wide—Here Moosey, Moosey, Moosey There were people from all over the country arriving daily to see the gigantic produce. There was even some talk of changing the town’s name to Moose Butt Falls. Who would have thunk it?
One morning my dear deer friends and I were imbibing greedily from the overflowing buckets of maple sap that kind people provide for us each Spring
Imagine hanging buckets on trees to provide for their woodland friends. So very kind. Well, a crazy, and may I reiterate, CRAZY thought went through my brain.--- I must state to old and young alike -never, never do this idiocy.!!!!
It must have been a deep seated, not to be understood need within me to impress my friends. Insanity overtook me. Why, why did I do it? It nearly cost me my life.
We were romping and imbibing in the woods beside a railroad track. Dear reader is this starting to conjure up images of what happened? Surely he is too bright for this you say. WRONG.--- I said to my dears, I’m going to be a choo choo train. Up on the tracks I climbed. Just walking didn’t impress anyone so I decided to get my feet up on the rails. Toot toot, all set. Didn’t shuffle fast enough. Toot toot Doggone it. Little deers starting to look away. Can’t have that. Hey looky me looky me!
I laid a few good moose pies down, stepped in them then placed my feet back on the tracks—all four you know! Well could I move then !! Shuffle, shuffle zoom zoom. Toot toot Here I go. The little dears were rolling in the grass with laughter.
Oh,oh, what’s that?--- Toot toot for real. Here comes a locomotive around the bend. I really start moving!! Not fast enough!! Help! “Get your feet off and jump say the little deers.†“Can’t say I. “
All of a sudden tummy starts to rumble-gas flies out like steam from an engine!! Down the tracks I fly. Train getting so’s I can feel it’s breath on my tail. Faster, faster I go!! Luckily for me there’s a bend in the tracks and I go flying high into the sky, over into the grass as the train goes zipping by. Saved by a tail’s breadth. Talk about your learning curve!
The lovely little deer gallop over to check out my health. So sweet they are, so caring, so cute. Anyway—just a couple of nicks, twenty or more bruises, hurt ego, but I’m fine.
Funny thing, I’ve noticed that every few days the railroad men have to come to cut the huge amount of grass growing between the rails. They hardly can keep up with it. If they didn’t they’d never find the train. It’s a jungle out there.
Could it be my magical moose pies again?See more at Chocolate,Maple and Nuts "R" We
Well, I don’t know if you realize that moose are great camouflage artists. Did you know? Uh, uh? Well they are the greatest, if you don’t mind my boasting. I can stand in the woods right outside your house ,and unless I let you, you will not be able to see me even if you overstrain your eyeballs, all day.
Well, one lovely spring morning, my three dearest deer friends and I were quietly listening in on the neighbourhood conversations when we heard about a neighbourhood block party. Oh, sooo exciting. We could hardly wait for the day to arrive! Finally one afternoon we saw tables being loaded with all kinds of picnic goodies, pies, cake, chicken, salads, rolls- wow!! Then one of my deer friends became very excited. I thought she must have partaken of too much maple sap and was on a big sugar rush, but no, she was pointing to some cans on a table. Look, it’s you! She said. And bet my britches—there I was! This party must be in my honour with my mug plastered around like that. Who could have known? We were so excited we couldn’t wait to try this brew. Moose Head? In we went, drinking thirstily and mightily. In fact we went through every can!!. Suddenly I felt woozy and my tummy began to hurt. My intestines started to rumble.
Just then people poured into the yard following some pipsqueak who had seen us and ratted us out They were screaming and began to chase us with brooms and rakes, chairs, even. We all started running hither and yon, overturning tables, knocking down fences. What a mess. As I was running through a few vegetable gardens, my stomach let loose. Talk about Moose Droppings!! You never saw the like!! All over those gardens from side to side and back to front. Hardly a place was missed. The screaming became louder and I heard talk of rifles so we all split .For a few days we made sure we were not seen in that area. Finally after two weeks we sneaked back to see if all was forgiven. To our surprise, all we could hear was talk of the marvellous, magical moose. What had brought all this on? Apparently my Moose Droppings had worked wonders in the gardens, and vegetables had grown early and huge. Plus they tasted wonderfully of maple (probably due to my imbibing of the lovely maple sap.)
Now they wanted us around-Who would have thunk it? They wanted more of those marvellous Moose Droppings. All day long in the woods we heard moose calls far and wide—Here Moosey, Moosey, Moosey There were people from all over the country arriving daily to see the gigantic produce. There was even some talk of changing the town’s name to Moose Butt Falls. Who would have thunk it?
One morning my dear deer friends and I were imbibing greedily from the overflowing buckets of maple sap that kind people provide for us each Spring
Imagine hanging buckets on trees to provide for their woodland friends. So very kind. Well, a crazy, and may I reiterate, CRAZY thought went through my brain.--- I must state to old and young alike -never, never do this idiocy.!!!!
It must have been a deep seated, not to be understood need within me to impress my friends. Insanity overtook me. Why, why did I do it? It nearly cost me my life.
We were romping and imbibing in the woods beside a railroad track. Dear reader is this starting to conjure up images of what happened? Surely he is too bright for this you say. WRONG.--- I said to my dears, I’m going to be a choo choo train. Up on the tracks I climbed. Just walking didn’t impress anyone so I decided to get my feet up on the rails. Toot toot, all set. Didn’t shuffle fast enough. Toot toot Doggone it. Little deers starting to look away. Can’t have that. Hey looky me looky me!
I laid a few good moose pies down, stepped in them then placed my feet back on the tracks—all four you know! Well could I move then !! Shuffle, shuffle zoom zoom. Toot toot Here I go. The little dears were rolling in the grass with laughter.
Oh,oh, what’s that?--- Toot toot for real. Here comes a locomotive around the bend. I really start moving!! Not fast enough!! Help! “Get your feet off and jump say the little deers.†“Can’t say I. “
All of a sudden tummy starts to rumble-gas flies out like steam from an engine!! Down the tracks I fly. Train getting so’s I can feel it’s breath on my tail. Faster, faster I go!! Luckily for me there’s a bend in the tracks and I go flying high into the sky, over into the grass as the train goes zipping by. Saved by a tail’s breadth. Talk about your learning curve!
The lovely little deer gallop over to check out my health. So sweet they are, so caring, so cute. Anyway—just a couple of nicks, twenty or more bruises, hurt ego, but I’m fine.
Funny thing, I’ve noticed that every few days the railroad men have to come to cut the huge amount of grass growing between the rails. They hardly can keep up with it. If they didn’t they’d never find the train. It’s a jungle out there.
Could it be my magical moose pies again?See more at Chocolate,Maple and Nuts "R" We
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