Venerina Conti   Spa Manager, Writer, Life...
As Human beings we are naturally
creatures of habit.  The older we get the
more willing we seem to be to find a comfort zone and stay in it. We have a
tendency to procrastinate by getting stuck into our daily routines which
somehow have a way of overwhelming us. Days, months and years pass us by, in what seems like a bat of an
eyelid, until one day we wake up and realize that we haven’t achieved half the
things we hoped for, or dreamt about, when we were younger. 
 
Does this sound familiar to you?  Now why should that be?
 
I would like you to take a moment and
think back to your childhood days when you created your imaginary worlds and
acted them out in the real world.  Think
about how you felt.  My guess is that
back then anything was possible.  You did
not stop to think about the consequences. You didn’t have any fears or doubts. There was nothing to hold you back. You were the sole creator of everything. 
 
How many times did you fearlessly do
something like climb up a tree and get stuck? You did not worry about getting
stuck.  You just went ahead and climbed
the tree.  You only worried about getting
down when the need arose.  Each event
occupied its own time and space.  You
never thought that far ahead.  You took
one step at a time and crossed each bridge when you came to it.  You never thought about failing or having
failed.  The aim was to climb the tree
which you succeeded in doing. 
 
So, why should things be any different
when you become an adult?
The blessing of being an adult is that we
have an acquired sense of knowledge from our experiences that help us make more
appropriate judgments.  The curse of this
knowledge though is that we let it hold us back by misusing it to create
possible unfounded fears in our minds. 
 
Lets look at the example of our
tree.  As adults who want to climb the
tree, we stand there considering how we are going to get down before we even
start to think about how to climb it. 
Our immediate thoughts are: “What if I
get stuck”?, “Who will rescue me if I get stuck”?, “If someone has to rescue
me, they will think I am an idiot - at my age - climbing a tree and getting
stuck”.
 
If we have not begun climbing yet, how
can we possibly know whether there will be a clear way for us to get
down?. 
 
What has happened here? Well, technically,  we have had a goal shift without even
realizing it.  Instead of climbing the
tree, our goal has now become getting
down.  We stand there, before the
tree, having a series of negative thoughts and internal dialogues with
ourselves, until we are completely dissuaded from our original goal.  Instead of thinking positively about creative
ways we could get down, i.e. by following the same path we use to climb, we
choose to persuade ourselves that we cannot do it - full stop. So, we give
up.  We walk away from the tree and do not
even make an attempt at it. 
 
The problem is though that when we have
walked away, we still have a lingering bitter taste of disappointment in
ourselves.  It is another goal gone by
the way side.  It is another negative
self-judgment, which is now stored in our personality profile. It is another
element we add to our failure list.
 
So, what happens next?  Well slowly but surely, as we accumulate
negative thoughts about ourselves and about the things we failed to do, we
start to shy away from things we would like to do simply because we think we know we are going to fail.  We make no attempt at anything that will
disappoint us again.  We do not trust
ourselves anymore. We become insecure and lose best part, if not all, of our
self-confidence.  So, we only apply
ourselves to the realm of things that, (we think), we know for sure that we can succeed at. We create a world around us that is safe and stay locked up in it.
 
Essentially, we have unwittingly and yet
willingly become our own worst enemy by creating an image of ourselves as
failures, as losers and as people who are not blessed with special capacities
like others who seem to succeed at everything they do.  The truth is that we are not giving ourselves
a chance.  From thereon in, we seem to
prefer to shut out any opportunity that we think goes beyond our readily misconstrued abilities and we
sadistically deny our true capacity for achievement any benefit of the
doubt. 
 
The end result? 
 
We unconsciously or consciously, as the
case may be, resent ourselves.  We resent
those around us because we love to lay blame on them for our shortcomings.  We overeat to compensate and then hate ourselves
for being overweight.  It’s a classic
vicious circle in an ongoing spiral.  We
are unfulfilled and dissatisfied with our job because it does not align with
our original goals.  We fail to make
promotions in our jobs because, although we believe we are up to it, our
external behavior tells the world otherwise. We have difficulties in our relationships because, in this frame of
being, we choose partners who either over-compensate for us, which in the long
term makes us feel completely worthless or under-compensate for us, who in the
short term makes us feel better about ourselves. 
 
As human beings we are masters of many
disguises.  We accommodate ourselves and
just plod along accepting second or third best instead of the best for us. One day though, when we least expect it,  who we truly seeks revenge as it demands to
be unleashed.  The question is:  Are you
really going to wait until that happens or are you going to take action now?
 
It is not enough to just hope, wish or
think that something is going to happen as the book “The Secret” would have the masses believe.  Although the book represents marketing
techniques at their best and offers encouragement and hope to those who
otherwise would have none, the truth is that it is not enough to just put a
thought out into the universe. It is not enough to just go to bed wishing for
change and expect that the next morning your life will automatically be
different. 
 
Positive thinking alone will not get a
plan put into action.  Admittedly,
positive thinking creates a positive frame of mind and a positive frame of mind
helps to take action.  But, if you do
nothing, you will achieve nothing and nothing is what you will get back.  After all, if you want to grow an apple tree,
you need to plant a seed first.  Even the
Law of Attraction is based on the principle that some kind of effort is
required on someone’s behalf.
 
There is an Italian motto that says: “Dio
aiuta chi si aiuta”, which translated means: “God helps those who help
themselves”.  So, you need to take
action.  You need to take responsibility
for yourself in the here and now if you want the future to be different.  Mahatma Ghandi once said:  You
must be the change you wish to see in the world.
 
Life changes take time but you can
resolve to make the changes one step at a time, one goal at a time and one
challenge at a time. Never think about crossing a bridge before you come to it
and never start building a bridge where there is no need for one!  You would only be wasting valuable time and
precious energy that could be focused on far more creative activities that move
you a step closer to your goals.
 
It only takes a few minutes to change
your frame of mind. Search deep within your soul and find out how you got to be
where you are today.  Ask yourself what
it is that holds you back. What are the things you feel you lack in order to
achieve.  Put them in groups or in
clusters if it helps.  What are
they?  Money? Time? Fears? Lack of
know-how? Lack of experience? Lack of talent?
 
Name them all.  Write them down.  Acknowledge them no matter how painful they
may be.  Then, write down next to each
one all of the subgroup reasons you can think of like, for money: “I don’t earn
enough”; for time: “I work too many hours”; for talent: “I am useless at
drawing” etc., but be sure to write them all down until you have no reasons,
(or excuses), left to write. 
 
Why write them down?  Well:
1) By writing them down you are taking
the first step in being willing to face them; 
2) The mind and memory
works best with pictures and the written word; 
3) By facing them, in black and white, you can work through them and then
let them go.
4) You can use your list for checking off
items as you change your lifestyle and it serves as a measurement, for
progress, when you do a follow up list further on down the line.
 
Ok, now, dig a little deeper into
yourself and decide what it is exactly that you did, or failed to do in your
life, that was so bad you cannot forgive yourself.  Write them all down.  Acknowledge them.  Face them openly and learn to forgive
yourself.  Genuinely tell yourself that
you forgive yourself and love yourself. Tell yourself that you are sorry, that you made a mistake and that you
are willing to start over.  To err is
Human, to continue erring is being our own worst enemy. Commit to the words you
tell yourself.  Feel them and love
yourself for the resolution you have to change.
 
Next, write down all the things you have
ever wanted from life.  Have them clear
in your mind and express them, in detail, on the paper in front of you.  Now start to think of ways you can make extra
time, extra money, be better at whatever it is you want.  Write them down.  Can you cut out an extra coffee and cake
somewhere that will save you money?.  Can
you multi-task something to save time or can you delegate?. 
 
On a fresh page, write down all the
qualities you love about yourself even the ones you think you have forgotten
about or lost somewhere along the way. Write down your talents, your secret talents and anything you think you
are good at.  Write down all the blessing
in your life.  Write down all the things
you are grateful for.  No matter how bad
life may seem at this moment in time, there is always something we can be
grateful for.  There is always a
blessing.  We just forget how to see
them.  Remember the saying:  Sometimes
you can’t see the wood for the trees.
 
Even in what seems like life’s darkest
moments, there are valuable lessons to be learnt.  These are blessings.  They are the Universe’s way to teach us
something invaluable.  Once we look upon
our misfortunes as lessons we come to realize that there is nothing bad about
life and living.  Sometimes, when we see
things in a different light, we are able to find the humorous side. If we can
laugh at the bad times, life will laugh with us and things will improve on
their own.  You have no doubt heard the
saying: Smile and the whole world smiles
with you.  Have you ever noticed how
difficult it is to feel miserable when we’re happy?
 
Now focus on all these beautiful qualities
you have.  Compare them to what you would
like to be doing in life.  Find out what
is still missing.  If you still lack the
know-how, seek out someone who does. Follow examples of your idols. Check out the wealth of information on the Internet.  Get informed!
 
So, now that you have some idea of what
you want and how you can make changes, here comes the final task but one that
should be ongoing.  Set yourself
realistic daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals.  Write them down in a journal and after each day
or each week keep a written track of your progress. 
 
Learn to prioritize. Learn to manage your
time better.  It does not matter if you
have to carry some of your goals over from one day to the next.  Do not be hard on yourself because of
it.  Just know that you will whatever it
is the following day.  The important
thing is to keep moving forward.
 
Make your end goal climbing the tree and
not worrying about what the end result will be. I am not saying that you should
take futile risks with no possibility for a successful outcome.  As I mentioned earlier, the beauty about
maturity is that we are better equipped to make calculated judgments about
risks.  The important thing is to learn
to trust in taking a leap of faith in yourself.   Start climbing the tree slowly but
surely.  Pause every now and then to
assess the terrain and all possible routes. Weigh up the pros and cons about climbing on one side or climbing on the
other. 
 
Many roads lead to the same place.  It is all a question of making the right
choices along the way and by right choices, I mean what is right for you.  Wrong choices will happen but that is
ok.  Let them, learn from them and move
on.  If you never make a mistake you will
never learn, if you never learn you will never grow!
 
I’ve invented my own definition of a
goal.  I hope you like it:
 
G – Go
O – Out
A – And
L – Launch yourself
 
 Remember, as long as you are moving forward
towards what you want, you cannot fail.  Failure
is only a concept created in the mind of those who expect to climb Mount Everest without ever having walked more than a mile
in their lives!   
 
As long as you are changing your negative
views about yourself, to positive ones, you are already a winner.  As long as you are doing something which is
better than nothing, you are already a winner and as long as that something is
moving you forward, you will begin to see a complete turn around in your
world.  This is where the Law of
Attraction truly comes into play.  This
is when you will find that people and events will come into your life when you
least expect them.  This is when you will
rejoice at life’s little surprises and relish in them.
 
Nobody can fail when they are attempting
to do their best.  Praise yourself for
your achievements and do not judge them by anyone else’s standards.  You are you and you are unique.  You will do things in your own way and at your
own pace.  Life is a journey. Learn to enjoy
the ride.
 
Let go of the past, it cannot be changed
and it is already history, so kiss it goodbye. Tomorrow is the future but it will only be what you start making it
today, so don’t wish it upon yourself too quickly.  Just live
in the preparation of today and the tomorrow will come by itself.
Dec 6th 2007 20:20