Recently,as some of you may know I was in the Hospital with Pnemonia,and through ilness and laziness I missed my Tax deadline for my employees returns.Therefore.I was goinged to be fined,for late  returns.Being a Scotsman I don't want to part with a penny,unless I had too.

   So I phoned up the tax office and after the eternal wait I got through to a real voice and it was a woman (in the UK beeing in hospital isn't an excuse).So I told this woman that I had been in hospital,and when I got out,I had enouth time to finalise my returns,but what had happened was while I was in Hospital my pet Monkey must have got a hold of the keyboard and some how changed my password for the tax office.She said that still wasn't an excuse and I agreed.

   Then I told her the monkey had cost me a fortune while I was in Hospital,as he had change my bank account codes,and numorous other things as well.I assumed he had got the wireless keyboard.So I had paid a local Crofter(Scottish small farmer) a £100 to shoot the Monkey in the afternoon,she replied,starting to cry,could I not give him to a Zoo,I said no he's cost me far to much and it was quicker and cheaper to shoot him.As she was crying,she said if I didn't shoot the monkey I would get a 2 week extension for my tax returns and I wouldn't be Fined.So,reluclantly I agreed not to shoot the Monkey and I would have my Tax Returns in within the next 2 weeks.

  I would have loved to be a fly on the wall,when she told her boss why she was crying.

The moral of the story (which is true),is get yourself a Monkey,as it is cheaper to buy bananas,than pay tax fines.