Whatever Happened To The Good Old Fashioned

I was encouraged to post this story here by a good friend. Though it is good naturedly humourous, it is meant to evoke thoughtfulness about some of the human beings we share this Planet with... I've edited my story as much as possible but there is still some mature content... and it will be tagged as such... This story is also dedicated to the young woman who interrupted her work at a computer in the public library ( I was there doing research yesterday) to take a pee right in front of everyone-- Lady, I have heard of people getting p*ssed at the Internet, but a little bit of decorum, please! --------------------------------------------------------------------- In my town there once was a large facility that was used to treat people with mental health issues. Then some heartless bureaucratic mule-head, used some kinda legal black magic, and had the place closed. Apparently, the land the facility was sitting on was more valuable as a development site (for luxury apartment buildings)- than it was a haven and treatment center for the mentally challenged... This action resulted in hundreds of sick and delusional patients being tossed out on the street with no other place to go... Downtown on any given day you could run into some of these people... Some of them were extremely colorful and so very funny, that they developed "groupies", people who loved their ramblings so much that they would seek them out, say a at city park and sit around to wait for an entertaining performance-( some of the groupies would give them cash donations) One of my favorites was the guy who cussed out the mailbox on the corner at least once a day, every day, seven days a week. He would just walk up to the mailbox, open the lid and swear loudly! He always had a different target and a different set of invectives for the government, his ex-wife, the aliens,city hall ("the g**damn ugliest g**damn building in the the whole (bleeping) world! (Bleep) the architect in the A**!"), the cops, and anybody else who crossed his path. The mailbox itself was across the street from a concert hall and he developed "groupies" among the well-heeled crowd that attended the shows there. The visual of that guy cussing out the mailbox and the men and women in their tuxes and gowns loving his performance still brings a smile to my face. This guy was around until 5 years ago. I wish him well and hope he has survived these mean streets. There also was the "Your're on your way to HELL!!!" Lady, wild haired and bug-eyed - She stood in the subway so that her shouting voice could be amplified by the walls and the "cavern" effect. One particular morning as she was screaming "You're on your way to hell!"- "You MUST be born again!", One of the office bunnies walking by said "Scr*w you,lady! "I'm on my way to work!" This was a mistake 'cuz the screaming lady stopped and looked at her narrowly and hissed..."There's no fancy jobs in Hell!"..."And no Ultra Slim Fast, either!", ( Ouch!) I nearly wet myself laughing! Also very funny was the "1970's Steelers Fan" who could loudly and accurately do the play-by-play of their Super Bowl win over the Rams- Using slurs and insults instead of player's names- he also performed the body motions that went along with each football play he described. Wonderously Lunatic Method acting! Then there was the "Duck Lady", who was completely lucid, until she simply started to quack. This used to catch people off guard, because she appeared to be well dressed and well behaved. I absolutely howled one day when I saw her giving a report to an unsuspecting young policeman about a trash fire in a nearby alleyway- he was writing down her report on a form and as soon as he was done, she turned and walked away, quacking like a crazed Mallard- the cop simply ripped the report out of his notepad and shaking his head sadly, tore it up... Those were the days when people actually did care about these people and missed them and became concerned when they weren't around for a few days. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think the real "crazies" are the ones with the jobs, offices and paychecks. These people who make such short-sighted and poor decisions about the lives of others, should be watched closely, very closely. PS: I would be amiss if I didn't include "Vodka Straight, No Chaser!" Man. This guy had only one leg but as compensation he had developed the ability to magically produce a bottle of vodka, seemingly out of thin air! (Damn, how does he do that?) Anyway, although being crazy on the street is not a crime- public drinking and drunkeness is and the cops were always going after him. The day that I saw this one-legged guy (with crutches) trying to out-run the cops will remain with me forever!:) Do you folks in the Apsense community have any sentimental stories about these wonderful people?