***The following story is true but the names used are not the real names. I would like to know what others would do in this situation. What recommendations would you make to Maryanne and Jim, so they can save their relationship?***
Maryanne and Jim~ (told from Maryanne's View)
Wow! Things are just never going to change are they? Jim says I owe HIM $20 so instead of arguing I tell him i'll give it to him and then yesturday I told him I would give him another $20 to put towards the lights,..now I know thats not much BUT when I only get $175 every 2 weeks its about all i can do. Now he is saying that I owe him more then that. First of all we are in a relationship and this whole "you owe me" crap is bullshit. He acts like I have never paid for anything and that is such bullshit in itself. I paid for our home! $24,900!!!! ME! And when I say this I get the whole.."It came out of your settlement" crap, which is true BUT I got the settlement
because I almost died in an accident and I'm not pointing fingers but I wasn't the one driving. I bought him a snowmachine for $1900 and he said he would pay me back, he gave me $300 back towards it, but if you ask him he owed me less then that,..I ended up giving it to him as a birthday present, telling him that he "didn't need to worry about whatever the amount was that he owed me" (it's not worth the fight)!
He treats me like I know nothing, like my brain doesn't function properly,..basically like I am nothing but a worthless fool. I also make sure that we have food, and yes this money comes from foodstamps that I get from the state BUT if I didn't get
them then we wouldn't eat and the foodstamps are only for 4 people but I make sure he has what he likes and wants. I also buy the shampoo and laundry soap and dish soap, yes once in a while he buys those things too but I buy most of it. He buys me cigarettes sometimes but then when I have money, or he knows I am getting money he reminds me that he bought me cigarettes, in a way that is intended to be like dropping a hint that I owe him. He also says shit like "All the money I spent on you" and makes sure that I feel worthless and belittled. He acts like I don't contribute. He pays the lights and I am assuming he is paying his father the land payment so between the two he spends about $600 a month. My foodstamps are $668 a month (more then his bills combined) and then I get $351.26 a month in childsupport. After I spend most of it on paying back for cigarettes for both of us that I have got during the last couple weeks, that doesn't leave much. Then I buy whatever we need for the house like laundry soap and other taxables and time for my phone and his too (not all the time but the majority of the time,..he has bought me phone time a few times but no where near what I have bought him over the years) I also make sure that we have fuel to heat our home and mine and the kids fuel benefit for this winter was $1200+ and the entire thing went into this house!!! He bought 5 gallons and when the heat gets turned up he bitches like the world os going to end.... Our first home, I bought. That was $5000! Then when the roof blew off I got $10,000 and I spent a lot of it on him. I paid the majority of all the deposits and first and last months on all the places we rented.
I love him, more then anything, and I am not saying that either of us contributes more then the other, but god, if I bitched about every single penny I spent, we would do nothing but fight. I think it's childish to behave this way about money anyway, we have been together for 12 years and you would think that after all this time money wouldn't be such an issue. It should be "what's your's is mine and what's mine is your's",......this is OUR home, the kids are OUR kids, all of my things I say are OURS, why can't he be like that too? What he buys is HIS and that's that! We are adults, parents,and we have been together way too long for things to be like this!!!!!
He was brought up differently, apparently. He was brought up to think that the man is the dominant, controlling person in a relationship and that woman and children are lesser,..they don't have value and what they think or feel is of NO importance!
He is my everything, my world, my rock, my best friend,...just my everything and I hate how he makes me feel about myself. It's like I can't do anything right, no matter how hard I try. Everything I do or say is wrong. And when he says something, if my opinion is different then his, he will say mean things that hurt me and walk out the door. If I was the one to walk out the door he would never put up with it, so why does he think that I have to put up with it? Aren't I worth more then that? Instead of talking about things, he runs,..he can't stand the thought that I may be right. And it doesn't even have to be that he knew he was wrong, he could just be confused and he still will never admit that he is wrong. I find myself apologizing constantly, just to keep the peace. I push aside my pride so we don't fight. To me, James is more important than any amount of money. If I said to him "hey I
bought you cigarettes and time for your phone on such and such a day, you owe me" he would say something like "well I bought you this, and this and that on such and such a day" he would never dream about paying me a red cent back. I love him too much to ask him to!
The worst part about the way he act's, meaning belittling me, running to his dads all the time when he doesn't want to talk, treating me like I don't matter,..the worst part is,..that I genuinely love him. I love him so much that everytime he does this it kills me. It rips me apart! Tears my heart into tiny little piece's, makes my guts feel like they are being ripped out, makes me doubt myself and who I am. He makes me feel so small, so very very small,..like im invisible and i'm only important when it suits him. He is at his father's right now, where he was going "for a minute",..he pretty much lives there, the only thing he does here is sleep and eat supper, and he even eats at his dads from what i was told, some nights :(
My biggest dream in my life is to have Jim marry me, to have him really be my husband,..not just for me to tell people he is my husband. To know that every night for the rest of my life I am going to go to bed with the only man I ever want or need and to wake up every morning with him at my side,..Jim is that man!!!!
He is a kind soul, with a huge heart, he can be the sweetest man, the most caring, considerate, kind, gentle, loving, passionate, understanding man alive. He can be the perfect husband,..when he wants to be,..when he wants to he can pay attention to me and make me blush, make me feel loved, understood, make me feel like I am the only one for him, now and forever,..make me feel special....make me feel like him and I are meant to be together until the end of time.
I remember when, not so long ago, he would hold me all the time, touch me constantly, kiss me just for something to do, tickle me, hug me, LISTEN TO ME, not fight with me, take my side even when others said I was wrong (because he knew I was right and loved me enough to take my side over everyone else) He would talk to me about everything, and not argue with me, if his opinion was different he would talk, not make me feel stupid, but talk like adults, like he loved me. He couldn't keep his hands off of me. I have never felt so loved as I did then ;)
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