Guilt and perfectionism

I don't know about you, but guilt has been an emotion I fought against all my life. Toxic guilt, I should say. The kind that paralyzes. It makes me do things in a hurry sometimes, especially when someone asks for feedback and I put it off for a while.

Recently, I realized that when this happens, it's either because:

• I don't know what to do, but afraid to admit it, since I "should know".
• I'm not interested but afraid to say it.
• I'm simply tired, and should simply say I will do it the next day.

I have this weakness called "trying to please everybody", and sometimes the "I think of myself first" gets in the way. It really is a powerful struggle. Much too powerful, it can't stand a fight against common sense, which tells me I'm human, but I keep forgetting that.

Once, a few weeks ago, I thought that not always finding the time to help others at APSense was because I was lazy. I wrote about that. A member responded: "You, lazy?" It was clear he meant I wasn't. LOL

So, how could I explain that lack of motivation in certain cases?

A few days ago, the answered came: perfectionism.

Trying to please everyone, to meet everyone's expectations, is, well, impossible. Ok, nothing new here. But why is it so difficult to remember that every day?

My brain is playing games with me. There are so many triggers, so many neural circuits ready to make me react to other people's actions.

Fortunately, I'm learning about focus. As a matter of fact, I call 2011 "The year of focus." For me, at least.

I think the answer lies there. If I focus on my priorities, which include of course to keep helping APSense members get the best out of the site, I will be able to manage my time better.