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Nelson Mandela

NELSON MANDELANelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when hehears a knock at the door.When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching aclip board and yelling,'You Sign! You sign!'Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is sta...

A play on words

English Usage1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.2. A will is a dead giveaway3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.4. A backward poet writes inverse.5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.6. A chicken crossing the road...

Why Men Lie...

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch off a tree above a river,his axe fell into the river.When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,"Why are you crying?"The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water.The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.Is th...

Social Security

As a man, nearing the age of 65 plus a few months, I went to apply forsocial security. After waiting in line a long time, I finally got to thecounter.The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver license to verify myage.I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home. I toldth...

Going to Chicago

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waitingfor her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weightmachines that tells your fortune.So, she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tellsme."She went over to the machine and put her nicke...

11 People On A Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and onewoman.The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that onehas to leave, because otherwise they are all going to fall. They were notable to name that person, until the woman made a very touching speech.She s...