Real Love or Fantasy Bond?

There is a false impression in our society and culture regarding the cause why intimate relationships degenerate and end. The traditional relationship cycle is depicted as follows: Two human beings meet. They fall in love. They experience a positive portion of exhilarating time together, They take care of each other Then, the truth sets in. The fire fades away. Daily work takes over. Arguments begin, blame game starts, Sensual feelings get replaced by anger and doubts and love eventually fades away. 

The truth surrounding the downfall of relationships is primarily based on the distorted notion that falling in love has much to do with fantasy, and falling out of love has more to do with dealing with reality. The truth, however, is nearly just the opposite.

When two human beings deeply fall in love, they frequently open up about themselves, they become vulnerable, interested, and independent versions of themselves. They are on their very own side, going after what they want, and consequently displaying the pleasant components of themselves. In this respect, one might say human beings are the most themselves when falling in love. In the early tiers of a relationship, individuals are more interested in getting to know one another for who they are for real from their relationship to them. Thus, when two individuals meet, they are usually extra impartial and respectful of each other than they will be as their relationship builds up.

So what actually destroys this unbridled sense of adoration?

Once individuals begin to structure an illusion of coming together as one, they begin to lose the experience of being collective as two. This process quickly diminishes the excitement that first drew them together. Over time, people forego the spontaneity and vulnerability they had when they first met each other and change the sense of adventure and uncertainty with events and security. In other words, a couple shifts their actuality from being two free people in love to being two dependent individuals in a “Fantasy Bond.”

These shifting dynamics may additionally appear delicate at first, however little controlling behaviors, small criticisms, doubts, arguments, and minor outbursts can boost into full-blown destroyers of a lovely relationship. The more and more we go deep in the nagging crucial thoughts toward ourselves and our loved ones, the farther we cut off ourselves from the real emotions of excitement and love that we experience for each other.

 To avoid this terrible outcome, we need to always keep a check into ourselves and our thoughts and to see that toxic feelings don't replace the love we have in our hearts. What are our defenses? Are we pushing away someone because of our own concern of intimacy? Are we performing out patterns from our past? Are we controlling our relationship so as to keep away from our own feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or shame?

When we begin to use a relationship to serve an inner cause instead of comprehending someone and respecting what that person provides to our life, we run the danger of forming a Fantasy Bond. Warning signs and symptoms of a Fantasy Bond can encompass behaviors that subtly restrict us and our partners. 

These things deny the innate separateness of two individuals in a relationship, but at the very same time, they create a real distance by way of breeding resentment and want to be free from the roles and restrictions imposed by a pressured sense of connection. It is important to be cautious of instances we are no longer touching on to our partner as the man or woman he or she is but are basically making a connection to help our own sense of security.

The extra we challenge ourselves and deal with our personal limitations, the higher in a position we are to entirely dwell in our relationship. By resisting the lures of a Fantasy Bond, we can even be amongst the few who elude the fairy tale, yet manipulate to locate true and lasting love.