Meir Ezra --- Nothing can ruin a
relationship or marriage faster than jealously. Jealousy creates anxiety,
anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.
Having
a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts
untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.
No
one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. So what causes
jealousy?
"Jealousy is the
largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the
insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have
foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do
anything to try to uncover them." — L. Ron Hubbard
When
you are jealous, a line of communication is going on with your spouse or lover
that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If you witnessed your
spouse’s communication line, so it was not hidden from you, you would not feel
jealous.
Hidden
communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she
find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an
affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I’m
unattractive?"
When
you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he’ll fall
in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She’s going to
lunch with her old boyfriend because she’s still attracted to him."
"He’ll come home and tell me he wants a divorce."
So
how do you handle your feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or
boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?
Solutions
"Communication
is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and
non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*."
— L. Ron Hubbard (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow
to stern—front to back.)
If
you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst
and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.
Bob
says to his wife, "I don’t want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid
of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"
His
wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU
like crazy!"
Bang!
The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much
better.
If
Bob doesn’t communicate, his wife’s communication with Joe makes Bob jealous,
afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.
If
your mate is jealous, make sure you have no hidden lines of communication.
"Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you meet
with Joe to help with his son?"
Use
communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia is acting
upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What communication line might be
hidden from Marcia?" You realize she’s been acting annoyed ever since you
started working for an attractive female boss.
"Marcia,
have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now wants to talk.
You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia is cheerful and wants
to go to a movie.
As
well as using communication to resolve mysteries, communicate your feelings for
your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your
love. Show your affection.
Resolve
the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for
the future. Because of communication, your relationship will be a big success.
L. Ron Hubbard also
writes, "Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous
person. . . ." Mr. Hubbard’s discoveries on insecurity are outlined in his
book, Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health, available in our
bookstore.