How to deal with unfair criticism

Every worker has at one point or another fallen victim criticism that was unfounded and simply unfair. It could come from a colleague or a supervisor – criticism is an essential part of life at the office so we can all expect that it will keep on reaching us when we least expect it. Constructive criticism is there to help us, but how to deal with criticism that is clearly unfair? Here's what I learned about responding to this kind of criticism when having to deal with a particularly problematic colleague in my former office.

 

Keeping calm is worth the effort

 

Being the subject of criticism is never nice – it generally leads us to feel anger or a sense of inadequacy. I've learned that in the case of unfounded criticism frustration enters the stage and threatens to make us explode. I used to give way to my emotions, convinced that I had every right to express them and show the critic why they're so wrong about me.

 

Needless to say, my emotional reaction would lead others to suspect that the criticism in question might have struck a chord within me because it's actually true! Being emotional doesn't help to resolve the situation –  it's far more productive to take a few deep breaths and mentally prepare to deal with it in a reasonable manner.

 

But how could I achieve that zen state of mind? A colleague advised me to tweak my perspective – and it worked!

 

I changed my perspective

 

Instead of taking the criticism personally and instantly questioning myself, I tried to look at it from the perspective of the critic. I started by asking these questions: What is their motivation? What's in it for them? What do they really want form me? How is their life right now? Focusing on the other person gave me a source of emotional balance and allowed me to distance myself from the situation.

 

Understanding turned out to be the single most effective strategy against such criticism. I used to expect myself to be able to come up with a brilliant response on the spot, but that's just not who I am. Once during a presentation I had a colleague ask me questions in such a way as to make me feel nervous and question myself. In response, I repeated the complaints back to them in a factual and non-aggressive tone. And guess what? Everyone could see that the criticism had no real backing once put in my own words.

 

One of my supervisors once told me that this strategy works best if we avoid overstating our case or exaggerating – it makes us look defensive. By placing the focus off our emotional reaction to criticism at hand, we're able to harness it and prevent it from damaging our self-esteem.

 

That's why it's in our best interest to understand the critic and simply move on. Being able to swiftly acknowledge the feedback and continue to concentrate on more important points is a way we can show ourselves to be real professionals who care about the job being done right.

 

I took care of my self-esteem

 

Finally, we should remember that being subjected to unfair criticism can be a bruising experience, but if we manage to remain calm, it won't damage our self-esteem. I once faced a truly nasty and unfounded piece of criticism, which made me question my competence for weeks afterwards. You can only imagine how it affected my departmental meetings, where I held back, afraid of another criticism coming my way. One of my colleagues noticed my behavior and when I explained my reason, she told me that it's not worth to dwell on such pieces of criticism. It only shows the shortcomings of the critic, not mine – in fact, the best thing I could do is proving myself that my skills and actions didn't deserve this criticism.

 

Even though I've come a long way from being completely affected by unfounded criticism to being able to handle it reasonably and with grace, I still find myself filled with doubt when a nasty comment makes it my way.

 

I guess unfair criticism will always inspire strong emotional reactions. But what we should all strive to do is be fair with ourselves – just because one person decided that it's time to make our life miserable, doesn't mean that we should continue to spread the negativity further in our professional environment. This is exactly how the unjust critic wins.

 

With a background in Business Administration and Management, Tess Pajaron currently works at Open Colleges, Australia’s leading online educator. She likes to cover stories in careers and self-improvement.