5 Ways to Make the Most Out of Marriage Counseling in Hollywood Florida
by Dillon Patterson Article PublisherIf
you’re thinking about, or have decided to get marriage counseling, good for
you! Here are five top tips to help you make the most out of marriage
counseling and get your relationship headed in the right direction.
1. Couples therapy is about the
relationship – not you (or your spouse). Couples therapy feels different
from individual therapy, where the focus is solely on you. Your therapist sees
you as a unit and must align with you both. Your clinician will identify things
that both of you are doing to create a dysfunctional dynamic. He will help each
of you modify behaviours, improve communication, and attune to each other. You
will be invited to examine your own behaviours that are contributing to the
problem. If you want things to get better, be open to feedback on things you
can do to solve the problem – not just your spouse.
2. Get clear about your presenting
problem. Don’t go into your first session with 75 things you want to change
about your spouse. You and your partner should discuss how you see the problem
and mutual goals of therapy ahead of time. Try to see the problem as
relational. Even if your spouse’s affair led you to seek treatment, it’s far
better to say: “there’s been an infidelity and trust has been broken” than to
list all of his (or her) wrongdoings. Couples therapy is more likely to be
effective if you name the issue as the problem, not your spouse.
3. Fill out forms ahead of time.
Like medical doctors, therapists have forms that you must fill out and sign
before they can treat you. These forms include Informed Consent, New Client
Information, HIPPA guidelines, and a Release of Information to talk to any
other healthcare professionals that may help them treat you. To save time,
obtain, fill out, and sign these forms prior to your session. Read them
carefully and if you have any questions, be sure to ask your therapist at the
beginning of the session.
4. Be willing to do homework.
Most people go to therapy to get insight, but insight usually doesn’t change
people — doing things differently does. Your therapist may give you assignments
between sessions: reading, exercises, communication guidelines, etc. Do them!
The only way you will improve your relationship is to change the way you relate
to each other. The more seriously you take the homework, the better chances you
have of working through your problems. The things your therapist is asking you
to do may seem weird and uncomfortable; but aren’t those feelings you have any
time you begin something new or try to change a habit? If you wait to feel
inspired to do the homework, your marriage may fall apart first.
5. Be willing to work on yourself.
When you’re angry with your partner, it’s easy to focus on the myriad of things
they’re doing to make you miserable. But couples therapy will only work if you
expand your focus to see what you are doing to contribute to the problem. This
can be especially challenging if your spouse has done something to cause an
acute crisis: an affair, running up debt, losing a job due to mental illness
and/or addiction. While you’re not responsible for your spouse’s behaviour, you
are responsible for how you manage your own. Screaming, lecturing, nagging,
enabling, trying to control your spouse – these are all common dysfunctional
responses that make matters worse.
And
one final tip, if you go into therapy expecting unilateral change from your
spouse, you’ll waste time and money. At the end of the day, have peace knowing
that you only have control over your own choices. Gave marriage counseling your
all? Whatever happens, good for you! No matter what, focusing on your personal
growth will improve your life.
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Created on Apr 20th 2022 11:43. Viewed 189 times.