Yes, We Guys Can Cook, Too! Just Keep Your Cat Out Of My Kitchen! LOL! :)

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Anybody who knows me, knows that I'm a guy who knows how to treat a lady...

Even in my younger days, when feverish hormone levels were driving my libido like a super-charged sports car, I usually kept my urges in check at least long enough to get a name and number so as to treat a lady to sweet gift (a personalised sweater guard and roses,maybe) the next day.

I have always offered a prelude and foreplay prior to sex, I say... offered,  because for some of the ladies this was unnecessary, they simply wanted out of their clothes and into position for a little "mattress music"!

Bless them all...

So this particular evening, I was preparing a romantic meal for a cutie that I had met the previous day while shopping in the local super market...

- I had noticed her while she was standing at the produce counter talking to a stock clerk. She was trying to figure out what a particular fruit was... (it was a star-fruit) and how she might use it...( the clerk didn't know how,either)

I walked over and chimed in with quick lesson about star-fruit and a mini-recipe. She was highly impressed by this and asked me if I cooked professionally...

To this I answered, "No- I cook romantically, interested?" (I was only trying to be funny).

When she (her name was Denise, Dee for short..) answered in the affirmative, I nearly swooned and left my body!!! (Aw, man- I hadn't expected to meet anybody tonite- my apartment was a "single dude's disaster area"- plus I was babysitting my neighbor's cat!)

Calming down somewhat, I invited her for dinner at my place the next evening and she agreed-

That evening, I cleaned the apartment 'til the dust bunnies (dust Rhinos,really!) ran outside and started picketing in protest!!!

I prepared a dinner setting with my best glassware, china and silver service- this chick was gonna get the first class treatment- and hopefully, I would become the grateful recipient of a satisfied woman's charms!

Around 4 o'clock in the afternoon and two hours before my dinner date, I started searching around the apartment for the cat... a largish, grey/silver tabby who never was in the best of humor when his owners left him with friends...

As usual, the moment I closed the door and his owners were gone, he would simply vanish somewhere in my apartment and let out a blood curdling, skin-crawling yowl/growl every half hour or so...( Hello, Beelzebub? is one of your spawn missing?) sometimes he wouldn't even come out to eat!

I really wanted to put the cat in his cage with some catnip and place the cage on the balcony so me and my dinner guest wouldn't be disturbed.

After about 45 minutes of looking for the cat, I gave up and decided to prepare the appetizers; marinated raw beef and parma ham rolls with cream cheese, spinach and shaved truffles ect..

I grabbed my big glass bowl, poured in some olive oil, added some chopped onion and leeks, lemon peel and some anchovy paste.

I had just added the meat to the bowl when the doorbell rang...

"Omigosh!","Pleeeze don't let that be her!", "Not yet!" I begged... but surely, Denise it was- and I opened the door and greeted her...

She stood there, all strawberry blond and sexy, wearing a kind of clingy, longish white linen dress. I could happily see that Nature had generously provided her with some luscious "produce" of her own!:)

As it was too early for the appetizers (they needed about 20 minutes to to fully marinate) I offered her some chilled spumanti, honey glazed strawberries and star-fruit sorbet...

In the living room, Dee and I were having a great conversation as I kept a mental eye on the meal. Beside the appetizers, there were Cornish game hens in the oven and broth for a risotto on the stove- and I didn't want to burn anything.

I asked Dee to sit back and enjoy her drink while I went into the kitchen to check on things...

Looking at the bowl of marinating meat on the counter, I could see that something wasn't quite right- some of the meat was missing and there was cat fur on the sides of the bowl and some hairs were floating in the oil, there also was a trail of oily footprints...

"Oh,HELL NO!!!" I snarled to myself and started whispering, "Here, kitty,kitty!" with less than good intentions...

Meanwhile, from the living room, I heard Dee call out, "Oh, is this your cat?" "How cute!" The "Anti-Cat" started running quickly before I could grab him and- covered with oil and reeking of onion,anchovies and truffles leaped and landed on her lap!

White linen and olive oil is not a good combination...

Thankfully, she was a cat lover with a sense of humor- I gave her a shirt to wear and hand washed her dress while we had a good laugh.

The cat also got a bath (he hated it,  I loved it!) and he was then sentenced to his cage for the rest of the evening.

During dinner, Dee and I kept making jokes about cats, anchovies ect... when she came up with "Well gee, My cat smells.....terrific!!"

Her sly smile told me that she wasn't talking about anything that had to do with felines, what-so-ever... and we both cracked up!:)

The dinner went very well, the night was spectacular and the morning even more so!

Hello, Denise and later- Goodbye, "Anti-Cat"!