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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite!
 

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary. ..

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are

fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt

for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in

order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an

attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made

condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.

I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard

that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn

what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of

my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.

I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released

and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating

with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.

My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,

so he is safe. For now.................

 


Monika & Wayne
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Comments (4)


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BethsVentures - Sep 29 2008 21:59 Report Unrelated Comment
That's why my Shyla calico cat vomits on the carpet in strategic locations? ...and I thought she had an eating disorder! hehe
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The Old Coot - Aug 27 2008 01:02 Report Unrelated Comment
How true of the dog but I'm not sure if the cat is in its' right mind.

Most cats I know live the life of Riley with far more freedom and fuss than dogs.

Good for a laugh, though.
The Old Coot


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Monika & Wayne - Aug 26 2008 22:55 Report Unrelated Comment
Your more than welcome Cheryl.
Monika & Wayne
Our Power Mall


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ppl_cheryl63 - Aug 26 2008 22:34 Report Unrelated Comment
Thank you so much for this. A "sanitized" version appeared in my local newspaper about 6 years ago titled the Diary of a Mad Cat and a Happy Dog. I kept it on my fridge but it finally fell apart on me.
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