Self Love, Trend or Taboo: How Sologamy Is Being Seen In Society

by Raincy W. Raincy

As they say 'you can't love others until you love yourself first,' but how far will you go for self-love? Finding love is not easy, and finding a good partner is even harder. For generations, we have seen transformations in our society, new emerging forms of relationships, rituals, traditions, marriages, and celebrations. Our society has witnessed monogamy, polygamy, and polyandry for social, economic, and political reasons. But many people are now discarding binding themselves in vows, promises, traditions, and commitments. They are moving forward to love themselves unconditionally. They are tying knots with themselves to promote self-love. Sologamy - a newly followed practice of marriage for those who want to get married, but not looking for a groom or bride. The practice of marrying oneself with all the typical or modern marriage rituals, but the groom or bride.

What Is Sologamy And The History Behind It?

Unlike the other types of marriages, Sologamy doesn’t need a physical partner. It is a symbolic ceremony where one marries self with or without following the tradition. Some of you might start scratching your head after reading this, but there is a thing like self-marriage.

The very first Sologamy or self-marriage was reported in 1933 when a dental hygienist from the US - Linda Baker married herself. She is widely considered the first Sologomist whose wedding was attended by around 75 of Baker’s friends, where the bride said “I do” to honor herself in sickness and in health until the day she’s not there.”

The first Sologamy by a man was reported in 1996 when NBA player Dennis Rodman married himself wearing a wedding gown while promoting his memoir 'Bad As I Wanna Be.’

A report published by Insider claims that Sologamy is on the rise among women during COVID as people got closer to themselves and started spending most of their time with them. Many people and agencies are even establishing themselves as solo wedding planners. In Japan, a travel agency Cerca Travel provides solo wedding packages for single women to experience ‘self-esteem.’ In the US, Gabrielle Penabaz, a New York-based Sologamists, claims to have married off more than1500 people who wanted to marry themselves.

First Sologamy In India

India, however, is yet to see the first Sologamy, the news is making headlines for a while. A 24-year-old girl - Kshama Bindu from the Indian state of Gujrat is making some fresh headlines as she announced to perform India’s first Sologamy on June 11. Bindu’s wedding will be India’s first-ever solo wedding.

"I looked up to see if there has been any such marriage in India, but couldn't find any. Maybe I am the first one to do so," said Bindu

"I looked up to see if there has been any such marriage in India, but couldn't find any. Maybe I am the first one to do so. I never wanted to get married. But I did want to become a bride. So, I decided to marry myself. Self-marriage is a commitment to be there for yourself and unconditional love for oneself. It's also an act of self-acceptance. People marry someone they love. I love myself and hence, this wedding," she added.

Bindu claims she has booked a wedding destination, pandit, invited guests, and planned for a two-week-long honeymoon in Goa.

Self-Love, Broken Heart, or Fame?

Though many Sologamists call Sologamy ‘self-love,’ some might see it as an escape from a toxic relationship or broken heart, while some sologamists might see Sologamy as fun. In an interview, Kshama Bindu said “she decided to start this trend and inspire others.” "I just want to break stereotypes and inspire others to love themselves. There are people who are tired of finding love or getting divorced multiple times. Being a bisexual, I was also in love with a man and a woman in the past. But now, I want to give all the love to myself," she said.

In an article published in BBC, they quoted a New York-based Sologamist that reads; "80% of the people whom I married to themselves shed a tear reading their vows. They usually say things like 'I forgive myself and 'I will no longer call myself ugly'."

Some people lost their loved ones during the pandemic, some are getting divorced, some want to come out of a toxic relationship, and some just want to escape from a broken heart. Many people who have been in a wrong relationship or have seen their close friends and family member suffering in a toxic relationship are scared of being in a situation. Sologamy is a way to keep yourself from unhealthy relationships without being ‘unloved.’

However, some people simply do not need a partner and commitment in a relationship, they are happily married to themselves. Sologamy is a way to glorify self-love, self-esteem, and commitment to yourself.

How Successful Have Been The Previous Sologamy?

In case you have watched “sex and the city,” you probably know how it ended after Carrie Bradshaw, who married herself, walked down the aisle with Mr. Big. There have been several Sologamy that either ended with a divorce with the self or a new relationship with another partner.

The famous Cris Galera’s solo wedding from Brazil which made headlines ended up with a ‘self-divorce.’ She married herself for 90-days and later ended her marriage as she claimed she had “found someone special.”

In 2017, Adriana Lima, Victoria's Secret model, announced that she was going to marry herself. However, earlier this year, she announced that she and her partner Andre Lemmers were expecting a baby.

Emma Watson, who announced herself to be a "self-partnered" in a 2019 Vogue interview, started dating the businessman Leo Robinton shortly thereafter.

Though many Sologamy weddings do not make a loud noise, there have been a lot of successful and unsuccessful solo marriages.

What Are The controversies Around It?

Some people openly support it, while some totally disagree with the Sologamy. For many it is a progressive move, for some, it is a mental dosorder.

Sologamy is a personal choice, but many experts believe that Sologamy might lead to loneliness, some argue that it might cut the other meaningful relationships.

The other controversy around Sologamy is its legalization. Sologamy does not have any legal standing in anywhere in the world and it does not hold any social significance in most parts of the world.

There have been political criticisms against Sologamy. After Kshama Bindu announced her solo wedding, she was attacked on social media for her “bizarre” move. A congress leader Milind Deora called her move ‘wokeness.’

Conclusion

Marrying to anyone or not marrying at all is a personal choice, and it should remain a personal choice. Rather than terming Sologamy a bizarre act, it should be taken as an inspiration for self-esteem, care, and love. We all cheer for Kshama Bindi and wish her all the best for her D-day. Many congratulations to India’s first Sologamist.